write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com.
Doctors and medical specialists are miracle workers, right? And when we go to hospital, we'll leave healthier than when we arrived, right? Well, not always, unfortunately, as accidents can happen and modern medicine isn't immune to Murphy's Law. So, what are the most terrifyingly medical blunders that could happen to you
So goes the Rusty Buckets site on medical boo boos.
here is the list: It is not exclusive: There are many more Iatrogenic health hazards involving Medico-types.
Waking During Surgery
Waking during surgery is rare, but "rare", according to The American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA), means 1 to 2 people out of every 1000 patients. You're much more likely to be sliced open without being able to move or communicate than you are to win the lottery. Hand up here.
Objects Left In The Body After Surgery
This phenomenon is pure gold for the tabloid press, and it seems there's no end to the number of patients reporting how surgeons left scissors, gauze, and other bits and pieces inside their bodies.
Wrong Site Surgery
The problem of surgeons operating on the wrong body location, amputating healthy limbs, or operating on the wrong body altogether, is apparently "getting worse," according to Denis O'Leary, head of the non-profit Joint Commission on Accreditation of Health Care Organizations. Frighteningly, hospitals are not obliged to reveal such statistics to the public. What we hear about is "just the tip of the iceberg," according to O'Leary, who adds that; "some hospitals are reporting everything, and some hospitals don't report anything at all."
"In 1846 when the first obstetrical hospital was opened in Vienna, one in eight pregnant women died from puerperal fever. Professor Ignacz Semmelweiss dramatically ended these deaths by demanding that doctors wash their hands after doing an autopsy and before delivering a baby."
suggestions to make your hospital stay infection-free.
* telling your doctor to wash his hands (good luck with that one);
* have urinary catheters removed as soon as possible after surgery (not a tip you'd forget easily);
* don't smoke prior to an operation, as it can promote lung infections;
* let staff know if you're writhing in insufferable pain.
* Better still, stay out of hospital. Hand up here too, my mother died of needless infection.
Is medicine becoming too complicated for the average patient? Or doctor for that matter, as it seems that the practice of prescribing incorrect medications with similar sounding or looking names is on the rise, with dire and sometimes fatal results. One case involved a patient who was prescribed sixty-times the recommended dose of Librium instead of Lithium to treat his depression. Needless to say, the man died as a result. Some of us have decided that all medication might be best avoided.
Doctors Of Death
Hell bent on causing mayhem and destruction, doctors of death like Nazi medico Joseph Mengele use their position of authority to violate their professional oath of preserving life. One recent case involved disgraced doctor Jayant Patel, who, after losing his license in the United States, was able to enter Australia where he quickly set up a practice. Patel treated over 1000 patients in Australia, with 80 of them dying due to his incompetence.
Being buried alive is one of the most terrifying of all fears. The scenario of waking up inside a coffin six-feet-under has been used in films such as The Vanishing, Kill Bill and, of course, Buried Alive, but just how likely is it?
During the 17th century, plague victims often collapsed seemingly dead and historical records indicate that there were 219 close calls and 149 actual cases of people being buried alive. But hey, that was the 17th century; it couldn't possibly happen today, could it?
Accountants have been sent in to "improve" health services around the world, but unfortunately, things aren't going to plan.
Clinical trials are a necessary aspect of modern medicine, and we owe the people who take part in them a great deal. But they're not called trials for nothing, and things do go wrong.
Last year it was found that dozens of doctors had been using an unapproved form of botulism toxin to smooth out their patient's wrinkles, instead of the more expensive Botox. Investigators said that the substitute that was pumped into cheeks and brows across the nation could be as deadly as cyanide.
Then there are
*being given medication that one's body should never have to deal with, dangerous chemicals that make the cure way worse than the disease.
*cut-happy doctors-surgeons so enamoured of the scalpel skills that they cause needless post surgical pain for the patient
*giving the wrong blood type
*refusing to listen to the patient and giving whatever drug the drug companies are pushing that week.
*wrong prescriptions ordered or way too much given
Ok to be perfectly fair, Doctors tend to be extremely busy, their darned office workers insist of booking four patients in every fifteen minute section of the appointment book. Then Golf Clubs, those pesky institutions of perversity, have fewer and fewer tee times available at the last minute so doctors have to wait at the 'nineteenth hole' to be able to begin their daily 8 hour breaks, and the temptations of Alcohol and ever-present life-style-enhancing drugs are just too available.
Also lab results sometimes come in with confusing names and numbers on them, it's no wonder they can confused. Wit all the doctors have to do it's no wonder they allow the pharmaceutical companies to teach them the latest techniques and disease solutions, and with the added benefit of being paid to prescribe these drugs the doctors consider this a win-win situation.
I've had my share of these medical errors, including a GYN who never ever knew I have RH negative blood [and my husband had RH positive, of course], so that after I had my baby by Cesarean Section [delivered by a drunk doctor, I kid you not!} Apparently there was enough blood exchange so I had a series of miscarriages afterwards [and couldn't find a doctor to go to while bleeding], The final one being bad enough to where I ended up having a Tubal Ligation at age 24! No more children for me!
After seeing two doctors during my pregnancy [we moved across the country at this time], I was told by one here take this medication, and this and this, [for my severe digestive problems] the second said "There's nothing wrong with you", so I ended up having to have a gall bladder removal [during which I woke up] surgery, the surgeon decided he had to extend a surgery that was supposed to last 45 minutes to 2 1/2 hours so he could cut into every single bit of healthy tissue in the area of my now gone gall bladder, ["Don't worry, you'll never miss it", has devolved into an infiltrated-overworked-Liver and numerous allergies]. Just at this time, the very same GYN who thought I needed lots of drugs-[none of which I ever took, btw] said I was too frail to have more children at that time, so he prescribed the Pill, he said "This is the safe one". Exactly one month after starting the Ortho-Novum Birth control pill I had a massive stroke. So, in the space of three months I had a Cesarean Section, a Cholesystectomy, and a massive CVA [stroke] I was twenty years old.
Later, I tried get through to doctors who absolutely refused to listen to me. I was trying to get help for the damage the stroke did to my body, but the doctors looked at me [I was masking- a normal response to stroke is to hide the damage] and said "You look fine to me." But I couldn't think properly, my muscles spasmed so bad I ached from it and I had a Swiss-cheese memory. My big idea was to tell them I was nearly at my wit's end, and really needed help, so the doctor prescribed a psycho-tropic, a mind drug. I couldn't stay awake [yes, even in public; I'd nod off] while taking this mind numbing drug, but he kept insisting I take a bigger dose. This is when I finally quit going to doctors and decided if I wanted to live it was soley up to me.
I know of a few people who insist my hatred of Doctors and the AMA is unfounded that they are indeed the demi-gods as they see themselves. But I remain unconvinced.
I'm taking control of my own health and anyone else can too. Allopathic medicine says every condition of the human experience is pathogenic [an illness] and needs to be treated by pharmaceuticals. I disagree, to me all doctors are either pill pushers [yo know drug dealers] or butchers. Possibly the Emergency doctors have a place, but for the most part nearly all disease that is no genetic or the result of trauma, is caused by what we eat, breathe in or drink.
Ok, you do not have to believe this, It is purely my opinion, and since I'm small potatoes in the Grand Scheme of things, I can darned well say it the way I see it.
As for me, I'm still working to get well, I'm staying in the arena of alternative medicine because I believe in it, and because I've never had any help from Allopathic medicine, I've been overdosed at a Young age with antibiotics, every single prescribed drug I was given has caused terrible reactions... So it's no wonder I feel this way, if you've had wonderful doctors I'm glad for you, I hear it's not exactly common, but I'm glad for you.
I am taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
And I am substantially benefiting from each and every method I recommend.
Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings Everyone needs at least one of these for their emergency kits:
pure-go filtering water bottles
It lasts for approximately 1 year. If a person drinks 3 bottles of water per day the cost of the bottle is equals less than 3 cents per fill up.
-----THE GARDEN GNOME
~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
STORY NUMBER ONE
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago . Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.
Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also, Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.
Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.
Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was
Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done.
He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al; "Scarface " Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great..So, he testified.
Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street.
But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.
The poem read:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop..At late or early hour..Now is the only time you own...Live, love, toil with a will...Place no faith in time, for the clock may soon be still."
STORY NUMBER TWO
World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.
One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank.
He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.
His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.
As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold: a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet.
The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.
Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.
Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.
Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.
Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the
carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his
return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed
the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet.
He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.
This took place on February 20, 1942 , and for that action Butch became
the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the
Congressional Medal of Honor.
A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home
town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today,
O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great
So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some
thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal
of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?
Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son.
A father of some teenage children had the family rule that they could not attend PG-13, R or X rated movies. His three teens wanted to see a particular popular movie that was playing at local theaters. It was rated PG-13. The teens interviewed friends and even some members of their family's church to find out what was offensive in the movie. The teens made a list of pros and cons about the movie to use to convince their dad that they should be allowed to see it.
The cons were:
*It contained ONLY 3 swear words!
*The ONLY violence was a building exploding (and you see that on TV all the time they said),
*You actually did not 'see' the couple in the movie having sex, it was just implied sex, off camera.
The pros were:
*It was a popular movie, (a blockbuster).
*Everyone was seeing it.
*If the teens saw the movie then they would not feel left out when their friends discussed it.
*The movie contained a good story and plot.
*It had some great adventure and suspense in it.
*There were some fantastic special effects in this movie.
*The movie's stars were some of the most talented actors in Hollywood .
*It probably would be nominated for several awards.
*Many members of their Christian church, including the pastor, had even seen the movie and said it wasn't really 'that bad'.
Therefore, since there were more pros than cons the teens asked their father to reconsider his position on just this ONE movie and let them have permission to go see it. The father looked at the list and thought for a few minutes. He said he could tell his children had spent some time and thought on this request. He asked if he could have a day to think about it before making his decision. The teens were thrilled, thinking, 'Now we've got him! Our argument is too good! Dad can't turn us down!' So, they happily agreed to let him have a day to think about their request.
The next evening the Father called his three teenagers, who were smiling smugly, into the living room. There on the coffee table he had a plate of brownies. The teens were puzzled. The father told his children he had thought about their request and had decided that if they would eat the brownies, then he would let them go to the movie. But, he explained, just like the movie, the brownies had pros and cons.
The pros were:
*They were made with the finest chocolate and other good ingredients.
*They had the added special effect of yummy walnuts in them.
*The brownies were moist and fresh with wonderful chocolate frosting on top.
*He had made these fantastic brownies using an award-winning recipe.
*And best of all, the brownies had been made lovingly by the hand of their own father.
The brownies only had one con:
*He had included a little bit of a special ingredient: The brownies contained just a small amount of dog poop. But he had mixed the dough well and they probably would not even be able to taste the dog poop and he had baked it at 350 degrees so hopefully any bacteria or germs from the dog poop had probably been destroyed.
Therefore, if any of his children could stand to eat the brownies which included just a 'little bit of crap' and not be affected by it, then he knew they would also be able to see the movie with 'just a little bit of smut' and not be affected. Of course, none of the teens would eat the brownies and the smug smiles had left their faces.
Now when his teenagers ask permission to do something he KNOWS THEY SHOULDN'T BE DOING the father just asks, 'Would you like me to whip up a batch of my special brownies?'
I think it would be a good idea.
-- Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he
thought of Western civilization
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own
life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
-- Cullen Hightower
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a
store where the lumber has already been cut and
attached together in the form of furniture,
finished, and put inside boxes.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the
Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go
a little mad: whether from great personal
success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole
survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.
-- John le Carre,
In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered "thoap!"
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED
FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
The actual AP headline.
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was
visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot
in the back of the head, and had been holding her
brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find
out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it
was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football game.
At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three
women buy just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one
of the men.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their r espective seats but
all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket,
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the
game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip
but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed man.
"Watch and learn," answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and
the three women cram into a toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet
and walks over to the toilet in which the men ar e hiding. She knocks on their
door and says, "Ticket please."
I'm still trying to figure out why men think they are smarter than women.
The Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
The third piggy says - 'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
More Good Advice - Military Style
- "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
- "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF
- "When the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
- "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
- "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
- "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF
- "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena,Japan
- "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
- "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
- "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor
- "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
- "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
Too Many Kids
One day, three men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor. After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"
"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.
"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"
"Wow, thats great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."
About five minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?"
"I'm right here Doc," he said.
"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"
"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."
A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"
"Right here docta," he said.
"Wonderful news! It's-"
"Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the
One day a man was driving down the road in a hot red convertable. He was driving 15 mph when a rabbit hopped in front of his car. As the man swerved the rabbit swerved also and was run over. The man got out of the car and started crying, upset that he'd killed the rabbit.
Just then a woman drives up and asks him what's wrong, when he tells her she says, "Oh I can fix that." She goes to her car, pulls out a can and sprays the rabbit with it.
It instantly comes alive and hops off, but every five feet it turns back to wave, before finally dissappearing into the forrest.
The guy is amazed and says, "How did you do that?" The woman just tosses him the can and drives off. The can says "Hair Spray: Guarenteed to bring your hair back to life and create a permanent wave."
- Born Free. Taxed to Death
- Don't Steal. The Government hates Competition
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
- A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain
- All men are Idiots, and I married their King
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film facility
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
here are some of those things you learn from the movies:
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
*All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
*All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
*The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
*The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
*You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
*If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
*Male characters generally are cold-natured. They need to wear jeans and leather jackets while the female characters are comfortable in cutoffs and a halter top.
*The hero is the exception to the above. He often is more comfortable in extreme cold after losing his coat or having the shirt ripped from his back.
*Whenever anyone knocks out anyone else and takes his/her clothes, it's always a flawless fit.
And some interesting facts about aliens in films ...
*If there are two or more of an alien race, they are always roughly the same size as humans.
*Aliens usually speak English and have the same colloquialisms as we do.
*All members of an alien species wear the same outfits, including clothing, hairstyles and jewellery. This makes them readily identifiable. Aliens who do not dress like aliens are hiding something.
*This may, in fact, be a consequence of the fact that aliens all have single, monolithic cultures: one language, one religion, one outfit per planet.
Good Advice - Military Style
- "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
- "Never trade luck for skill."
- The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"
- "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
- "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
- "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
- "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
- Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."
- "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
- "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
- "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
- Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
- As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" -
Three Guys in Heaven
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
“So,” Peter asks the first guy, “how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“None. I had a perfect marriage.”
“Great,” says Peter. “You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.
“Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.
“Okay,” says Peter. “You get a rusty Ford.”
Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.
“I just saw my wife and she was riding a skateboard!”
Comprehending the IT guy
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the IT guy, the glass is
twice as big as it needs to be.
Officer Fitness Reports
The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.
May you blessed with such excellent health you never need to see a doctor, and if you do get a boo-boo may your doctor be wise and careful.