Thursday, March 27, 2008

HOW IS YOUR THYROID?

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*******************HOW IS YOUR THYROID?************
(1)The thyroid gland is small and located in the region of the Adam's apple of the front of the neck. Thyroid hormones are important in regulating body energy, the body's use of other hormones and vitamins, and the growth and maturation of body tissues.

Two things that can go wrong are Hyperthyroidism, or having a too active thyroid or Hypothyroidism which is having too little hormone production.

Symptoms of hyperthyroidism are:
*Nervousness and irritability *Palpitations and tachycardia
*Heat intolerance or increased sweating *Tremor *Weight loss or gain
*Increase in appetite *Frequent bowel movements or diarrhea
*Lower leg swelling *Sudden paralysis *Shortness of breath with exertion
*Decreased menstrual flow *Impaired fertility *Sleep disturbances (including insomnia) *Changes in vision *Photophobia, or light sensitivity
*Eye irritation with excess tears *Diplopia, or double vision
*Exophthalmos, or forward protrusion of the eyeball

Therapy for hyperthyroidism is often radioactive iodine ablation or thyroidectomy.

Symptoms for Hypothyroidism include:
*Fatigue *Weakness *Intolerance to cold *Muscle aching and cramps
*Constipation *Weight gain or difficulty losing weight *Poor appetite
*Goiter (enlarged thyroid gland) *Dry, rough skin *Coarse hair or hair loss
*Eye and face swelling *Deeper and/or hoarse voice *Irregular or heavy menstrual periods *Depression *Memory loss *Slowed thinking and mental activity
*Increased blood cholesterol levels

Therapies for hypothyroidism include: Levothyroxine drugs or for alternative treatments: an adjustment in the diet to add iodine as in seafood. But too much Iodine can make a poorly functioning thyroid worse as well as some thyroid-blocking action from cabbage, brussels sprouts, broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower which can exacerbate thyroid function if these otherwise highly nutritious foods are eaten in very high doses.

Of course all of these symptoms are pretty universal for may other conditions and a blood test for thyroid function is a good idea, many doctors contend themselves with a cursory palpating examination or the neck which just isn't enough at all. Many women, in particular find that correct diagnosis and therapy for either hypo- or hyper thyroidism is really a life-saver for them.

One outstanding Medical revolutionary by the name of Nan Fuchs M.D. says this:
(2)
One in 10 women in this country have been diagnosed with thyroid problems. Some endocrinologists believe that one in four women have an under active or overactive thyroid. One reason may be because our thyroid glands are twice as large as those in men, creating a greater need for iodine. When we're under stress, our thyroids become even larger and more active, causing us to need even more.
This recent epidemic of thyroid problems appears to be due to a decline in dietary iodine. In 1940, our typical American diet contained 500-800 micrograms of iodine. By 1995, that amount had dropped down to 135 micrograms. But insufficient iodine intake isn't the only reason for low iodine. Thyroid problems are also caused by two other factors: exposure to substances that interfere with iodine levels, and an increased exposure to harmful radioactive iodine.

But don't think that all iodine is the same. It's not. There are two forms: iodine 127 (safe, natural dietary iodine) and iodine 131 (a harmful radioactive by-product of nuclear energy). Your body absorbs and retains any kind of iodine, depositing most of it in your thyroid gland or breasts. If you're deficient in the safe form of iodine, you'll absorb more radioactive iodine 131. But if you have enough dietary iodine, you won't absorb as much of the radioactive kind. The good iodine blocks the harmful type. Seaweed provides the dietary iodine you need for better thyroid function, and protects you from the harmful effects of radioactive iodine.

All of us have been exposed to radioactive iodine. Since 1945, radioactive material has been released into the air from nuclear testing and nuclear power plants all over the world. The ordinary day-to-day operations of these nuclear plants put harmful radioactive iodine into our atmosphere. Since we can't avoid it, we need to block its absorption. This exposure to iodine 131 is very possibly the origin of the increased amount of thyroid disorders we're seeing today. The regular consumption of seaweed may restore your thyroid function. Interfering with Iodine
Anything that contains chlorine, fluoride, and bromine, like water, whether it's used internally or externally, interferes with iodine molecules and causes your body to excrete the iodine it needs so badly. Chlorine is present in most city water supplies. Unless you de-chlorinate your water, you are being exposed to thyroid-lowering gases whenever you bathe, shower, or have a drink of water. You can quickly and easily remove chlorine in your shower with a number of products


Since Chlorine is an enemy of our Thyroid I drink filtered water on-the-go with pure-go filtering water bottles
It lasts for approximately 1 year. If a person drinks 3 bottles of water per day the cost of the bottle is equals less than 3 cents per fill up.

For a healthy thyroid a diet rich in seaweed is much appreciated by your body.

Also I drink lots of pure filtered water and am taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************

Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile
of junk.
-- Thomas A. Edison

Trying to determine what is going on in the world
by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the
time by watching the second hand of a clock.
-- Ben Hecht

The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right place but to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I
was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake,
I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
-- Richard Gere,
~~~
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.
A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red-faced.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes again, marches to the mail box, opens it before slamming it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by the neighbor's actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"
"There certainly is!" the neighbor replied. "My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

~~~
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "Watch", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall yelled out,"For heaven's sake it's 2o'clock in the morning!"
~~~
Clean Breakfast
This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
I bet you were mad.
Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!
~~~
The Tearful Bride
A new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
~~~
Stupid Computer Tricks
- Computer manufacturers are considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
- A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels.
- A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.
- A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.
- A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed them individually.
- An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
- Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
-new acronym for tech's... PICNIC= Problem In Chair Not In Computer.
~~~
Door Signs
A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"
The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"
The person says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."
~~~
May you be blessed today with robust good health and the wisdom to stay that way

SOURCES
(1)http://www.emedicinehealth.com/thyroid_problems/article_em.htm
(2)http://www.healthy.net/scr/column.asp?ColumnId=33&ID=637

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

WHAT IS WRONG WITH CARBONATED BEVERAGES

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write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
****************CARBONATED BEVERAGES??**************
What some people call pop, or soda, is really a poison that will cause Ill health in everyone who drinks it. Many people drink it as if it's incidental to their day, infusing their routine with the dangers of the many ingredients guaranteed to endanger our health. What it contains:

(1)Phosphoric Acid: this interferes with calcium absorption and may cause weakened bones and teeth, it also neutralizes hydrochloric acid in your stomach, which can interfere with digestion, making it difficult to utilize nutrients. So if you are taking calcium to make your bones strong, you can pretty much kiss that benefit goodbye if you drink pop, also since it keeps you from utilizing other nutrients you eat, well your food becomes merely empty calories, how do you feel right now?

Sugar: also called killer white sugar, why? Sugar increases insulin levels, which can lead to high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, weight gain, premature aging and many more negative side effects. Most sodas include over 100 percent of the RDA of sugar. And if that's not enough they also sweeten your fizzy drinks with lots of cheaper High Fructose Corn syrup:


(2)
High Fructose Corn Syrup HFCS high fructose corn syrup is responsible for a dangerous epidemic of obesity and diabetes. People under the age of 45 are “children of the corn.” ...of the food industry’s high fructose corn syrup. They were children or young adults in the late 70s, 80s and 90s when high fructose corn syrup was introduced to the American food supply as a cheap replacement for sugar. Now many of them are struggling with an epidemic of obesity and diabetes, also being referred to as diabesity.
It puts people at risk for metabolic syndrome. According to the Mayo Clinic, "Metabolic syndrome is a cluster of conditions that occur together, increasing your risk for heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Having just one of these conditions — increased blood pressure, elevated insulin levels, excess body fat around the waist or abnormal cholesterol levels — contributes to your risk of serious disease. In combination, your risk is even greater." People who use HFCS as a sweetener increase their triglycerides 32 percent relative to people who use mostly sugar, it doesn't trigger the satiation mechanism that tells us, I'm full, I've had enough, so we tend to really overdo our eating. There is a a rise in uric acid in the bloodstream that occurs after fructose is consumed. The temporary spike of HFCS blocks the action of insulin, which typically regulates how body cells use and store sugar and other food nutrients for energy. If uric acid levels are frequently elevated, over time features of metabolic syndrome may develop, including high blood pressure, obesity and elevated blood cholesterol levels. Older people may have something to worry about also. The leading theory about the cause of Alzheimer's Disease implicates insulin. Insulin concentrations in the brain drop significantly in early Alzheimer's and continue to fall as the disease worsens, suggesting that Alzheimer's Disease may be Type 3 diabetes. Researchers found that insulin is not just produced in the pancreas, but also in the brain.


(1)
Aspartame: This chemical is used as a sugar substitute in diet soda. There are over 92 different health side effects associated with aspartame consumption including brain tumors, birth defects, diabetes, emotional disorders and epilepsy/seizures. Further, when aspartame is stored for long periods of time or kept in warm areas it changes to methanol, an alcohol that converts to formaldehyde and formic acid, which are known carcinogens.

Caffeine: Caffeinated drinks can cause jitters, insomnia, high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, elevated blood cholesterol levels, vitamin and mineral depletion, breast lumps, birth defects, and perhaps some forms of cancer.


(4)
Sodium benzoate:: Soda could be doing more damage than you think Credit: unknown Copyright: unknown Enlarge + According to recent research, carried out by Sheffield University in the UK, a preservative that is commonly found in soft drinks can cause essential parts of human DNA to stop working, leading to serious health problems.
It can lead to cancer, Parkinson's and cirrhosis of the Liver, by damaging the mitochondria... yummy! (3)
"The mitochondria consumes the oxygen to give you energy and if you damage it - as happens in a number if diseased states - then the cell starts to malfunction very seriously. And there is a whole array of diseases that are now being tied to damage to this DNA - Parkinson's and quite a lot of neuro-degenerative diseases, but above all the whole process of ageing."


tap water: used in making soda can include so many impurities they are too numerous to name, chemicals like chlorine and Fluoride, bacteria, viruses, fungal agents, parasites, and of course there is all that medicine we have recently learned that is a big part of our tap water. I drink filtered water on-the-go with pure-go filtering water bottles
lasts for approximately 1 year.

Alternatives?:(5)
1. Club soda mixed with pomegranate juice. 160 calories per cup; still bubbly.

2. Tonic water with a squeeze of lemon or lime. Only 80 calories; still bubbly.

3. Light yogurt and fruit smoothie. Creamy and sweet, high in calcium and only 174 calories per cup.

4. Tomato juice or V8. Packed with flavor; high in vitamins C, A, and potassium and only 50 calories per cup.

5. Flavored seltzer. Carbonated, but zero calories.

6. Energy drink (such as Gatorade). Tastes sweet, 60 calories per cup, contains electrolytes.

7. Apple cider. Has 120 calories per cup, but packs a tangy, substantial flavor.

8. Milk, whole or skim. High in calcium and protein—and you need both. With 145 calories per cup of whole milk; 85 calories for skim.

9. Ovaltine made with skim milk. It's chocolaty, fortified with vitamins and minerals, high in calcium and protein and 170 calories per cup.

10. Tea or coffee, unsweetened. Get a boost on less than five calories per cup, plus it's high in antioxidants.


Of couse it is advisable not to use purchased tonic waters or pre-packaged teas or coffees because of the same problem with tap water or and sugar or HFCS that might be included, Also the Ovaltine is a processed food, if you want chocolate, buy Certified organic [DARK] cocoa, not processed milky chocolate, and if you want Milk drink the raw healthy live milk not dead over-cooked pasteurized milks.

I drink lots of pure filtered water and am taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************
Be sure to check out my new favorite interactive health message group healthwatch
Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
If two men agree on everything, you may be sure
that one of them is doing the thinking.
-- Lyndon B. Johnson

When someone tells you something defies
description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a
go at it anyway.
-- Clyde B. Aster

When they call the roll in the Senate, the
Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or
'Not guilty.'
-- Theodore Roosevelt

Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well.
Think about it.
-- Elias Schwartz

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with
less intelligence and more sense than we have.
-- Don Herold
~~~
Happy Easter !!!
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.
"What are you doing in there?"
she asked.
The rabbit replied:
"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",
to which the lady replied
"Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said,
"I'm westing."

~~~


Two little old ladies were sitting in church one Sunday dressed in their very best.
The pastor had gotten long winded and they begin to twitch and squirm.
One of the little ladies leaned to the other and said, "My behind has gone to sleep."
The other leaned back over and replied, "I know because I've heard it snore three times already."
~~~
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. He holds it and the earth revolves around it.
~~~
How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he gets money, a car, and three college credit hours for it!
~~~
How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Eventually only one. But that is only after a whole team of engineers tried rebooting the electrical system a few times.
~~~
The airliner approached its destination to find a thick fog blanketing the area. Unfortunately as they descended, the radar direction system failed, leaving no way to find their runway. They were literally flying blind.
Seeing a guy on the top floor of an office building, the copilot stuck his head out the window and called out in desperation,
"Where am I??"
The man called back "You're in a plane!"
With this, the copilot shut the window and confidently called, "118 degrees, six miles. Go!" Sure enough, this info put them squarely and safely on the Sea-Tac tarmac.
His partner was stunned. "How did you figure that out?"
"Well, the guy in the building just gave me info that was both technically correct and entirely useless. That tells me he was in the Microsoft Tech Support building, and I went from there."
~~~
MY LIVING WILL
Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a brat!
~~~
My blessing for you is that you live in peace, and find your joy is simple things, that your meat is truth and your drink is living water.

Sources:
(1)http://www.oleda.com/oleda_tips/tips.asp?dept=48
(2)http://www.femhealth.com/DangersofHFCS.html
http://www.westonaprice.org/motherlinda/cornsyrup.html
http://www.westonaprice.org/modernfood/highfructose.html
http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Dangers-of-Sodas-and-Diet-Drinks&id=151615
(3)http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/health-news/caution-some-soft-drinks-may-seriously-harm-your-health-450593.html
(4)http://www.organicconsumers.org/articles/article_5422.cfm
(5)http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/food-nutrition/recipe-central/ingredient-swap/soda-pop-spritzer?msc=a62593

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

MORE FIBER-MORE POWER

Sign-up for the weekly newsletter digest that is packed with the latest news in healthy living, you need this resource interactive
write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
*****************MORE FIBER-MORE POWER***************
The Mayo clinic says that dietary fiber is an essential part of a healthy diet. Fiber found in grains, legume, fruits and vegetables plays a role in relieving constipation as we all know; but it is also vital to lower blood sugar for Diabetics, aid in weight loss, it also lowers your chances of contracting diabetes or heart disease. If you already suffer from these diseases then eat more fiber....Unlike the fats,carbohydrates,and proteins which the body breaks down and absorbs, fiber cannot be digested so it is expelled, but as it is being expelled it will carry lots of other fecal matter with it, It also helps to clean the walls of the intestines allowing them to be relieved of the rotting fecal matter that causes, cancers, diverticuli, ulcers and other colon ills, also quick expelling of waste helps the body to digest faster so that it is less loggy, Digestion really slows down the body. If you think of the operations of the body like your computers memory you can see that the heavy-duty job of digestion; Esophagus, stomach, 26 feet of small intestine, and 3-5 feet of large intestine or colon, and not to mention the liver, kidneys, blood vessels, and pancreas all working to aid in this process and you see that our systems memory is fully engaged. Fiber can shove everything through so much faster so our lives aren't always logged down with the laborious, and exhaustion processes of digestion, not to mention the poisons released as digestion is going more slowly and rotting before it's eventual evacuation from the colon. Fiber is divided into two kinds, Soluble and insoluble.
~The soluble is the kind that dissolves in water to form a gel-like mass it is found in:oats, peas, beans, apples, citrus fruits, carrots, barley and psyllium, to help in lowering Cholesterol and blood glucose.
~The insoluble as found in: Whole-wheat flour, wheat bran, nuts and many vegetables sources help the body push waste matter through the intestines.

I have a recipe for you, I call it bean soup.

1 1/2 C. Pinto beans soaked for a few hours, rinsed and drained a couple of times, then gently boiled for an hour or so until soft.

Then in another pan I sauté tiny bits of chicken breast[1 cup] and [1] onion chopped, I add sea salt, pepper, celery seeds and Katy's essence spices to taste [actually a bit strong because it will dilute in the beans. Also I add 3 Tbs of chia seeds and any other veggies I have on hand; green peppers, broccoli, bok choy chopped small so all the bits are the size of the beans. Then I boil it a bit longer to blend the flavors, Serve and eat, this makes maybe three bowls or more! of extremely yummy soup.

~~~Katy's Spicy essence~~~
I've sent this out to friends all over the US because when I make it every year I make a lot!

When I say a part I use a bottle of spice, it can be any size as long as all 'parts' are about the same size. Experiment, use your favorites, don't stick with the strict formula, I don't.

2 1/2 parts of paprika [I love paprika anyway]
2 parts salt[I use sea salt](you can use more sea salt,not harmful like table salt)
2 parts garlic powder- use the kind that says it's just garlic, no preservatives.
1 part black pepper
1 part onion powder
1 part cayenne powder
1 part Italian herbs or basil, oregano, parsley from your garden
1 part crushed red pepper
2 parts chili powder
put it all in your food processor to grind up the Italian herbs and crushed red pepper so it's Incorporated well into the other spices which are powders.

I usually make a double batch to last a year, we snarf this stuff, I put it in re-marked spice bottles that the ingredients came from, I then save then as I empty them so I'll always have bottles to keep it in. Most of the people I know love it too. I have to admit it's a revised version of the Emmeril Legasse's essence which includes MSG. I don't use any MSG.

I try to eat lots of raw veggies, including a spinach salad often, drink a green veggie juice cocktail twice every day, I eat seeds, and nuts and beans; and I'm taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************
Be sure to check out my new favorite interactive health message group healthwatch
Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.
-- Ronald Reagan

What I look forward to is continued immaturity
followed by death.
-- Dave Barry

Where is human nature so weak as in the
bookstore?
-- Henry Ward Beecher

The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the
fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares
not whether there is a god or not.
-- Eric Hoffer
~~~
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You got Male!" .
~~~
- Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who scratch bum should not bite fingernails.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
- Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who break wind in church sit in own pew.
- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
~~~
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: "HEBREWS"
~~~
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
- Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
~~~
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart.
The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.
Everyone agreed that that was good.
The chemist said that his dog could do better still. he called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.
Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?"
The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
They all agreed that that was the most impressive of all.
~~~
"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
~~~
A dull-witted king is losing a territorial dispute with a neighboring monarch. As the fight wears on, he gets more and more frustrated until he finally roars, "Where are my jesters?" In seconds, two jesters appear at his side. "OK, let's continue," he says, "now that I have my wits about me."
~~~
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
She replied, "Yes or No."
~~~
My blessing for you is that you will be regular in your habits, your diet and your attendance upon the pot.












SOURCES
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fiber/NU00033

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

FOLATE HELPS PREVENT DEMENTIA

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write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
**************FOLATE TO PREVENT DEMENTIA************
I recently read this and thought I should investigate more on it:

A recent study found that a deficiency of folate actually triples the risk of getting dementia in older people, folate also helps your heart.

(1)
The researchers tracked the development of dementia in 518 people over two years from 2001 to 2003. All participants were over the age of 65 and lived in one rural and one urban area in the south of the country.
Validated tests were carried out at the start and end of the two year period to find out if they had a dementing illness. Similarly, blood tests were taken to assess levels of folate, vitamin B12, and the protein homocysteine, and how these changed over time.
High levels of homocysteine have been associated with cardiovascular disease.
At the start of the two year period, almost one in five people had high levels of homocysteine, while 17% had low vitamin B12 levels and 3.5% were folate deficient.
The higher the levels of folate to begin with, the higher were vitamin B12 levels, and the lower those of homocysteine.
By the end of the study, 45 people had developed dementia. Of these, 34 had Alzheimer's disease, seven had vascular dementia, and four had "other" types of dementia.
Dementia was more likely in those who were older, relatively poorly educated, inactive, and had deposits of the protein ApoE.


Translated this is saying that Folate helps to decrease homocysteine and thereby the chances of getting dementia and heart disease. In some studies the rate is triple the chances getting these diseases, if one has a folate deficiency. [see the sources below.]

So how can we get more folate, For one Spinach [raw, please!] will really help.
Grains-Fortified breakfast cereal-Whole wheat products
Meat and Beans-Liver-Eggs-Beans-Sunflower seeds
Vegetables—Excellent Source!-Asparagus-Leafy green vegetables
Fruits-Oranges-Strawberries-Cantaloupes and other melons
Milk, Yogurt, Cheese, Fats, Oils, and Sweets are poor sources of folate!

I try to eat lots of raw veggies, including a spinach salad often, drink a green veggie juice cocktail twice every day, I eat seeds, and nuts and beans; and I'm taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY.
And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************
Be sure to check out my new favorite interactive health message group healthwatch
Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country. 'Is there anything breakable in
here?' asked the postal clerk.
'Only the Ten Commandments' answered the lady.
========
'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,'
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's
morning'
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a
note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10
times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses.'
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this
note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket
I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation'
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets.'
========
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The
owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... 'Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.'
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, 'Boys and girls,
what do we know about God?' A hand shot up in the air. 'He is an artist!'
said the kindergarten boy. 'Really? How do you know?' the teacher asked.
'You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... '
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a
long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many
cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant
pump. 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry about the delay. It
seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long
trip.' The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business.'
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of
attention.
========
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, 'I know what
the Bible means!' His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you
'know' what the Bible means?' The son replied, 'I do know!'
'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?'
'That's easy, Daddy.' the young boy replied excitedly, 'It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.''
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson
was about. The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.'
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor
stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school
lesson was about. He said 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the
congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a
substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to
know what to play.
'Here's a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to
think of something to play after I make the announcement about the
finances.'
During the service, the minister paused and said, 'Brothers and Sisters, we
are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please
stand up.'
At that moment, the substitute organist played 'The Star Spangled Banner.'
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
~~~
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he
doesn't want to hear.
-- Dick Cavett

If the automobile had followed the same
development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would
today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and
explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
-- Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld
magazine

He who praises you for what you lack wishes to
take from you what you have.
-- Don Juan Manuel

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's
disappointment.
-- Evan Esar
~~~
Why does the thrill of soaring have
to begin with the fear of falling?
~~~
Soap and Water
We were asked to dinner by a new friend. When we sat down at the table, we noticed that the dishes were dirty.
"Were these dishes washed?", I asked the hostess as I rubbed my fingers over the surface.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them".
I felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating anyway. Dinner was delicious, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"
~~~

Drop Dead Poker
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. After the game Mr. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. Rippington says, "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."

~~~

Americans Are Wacky
- We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
- In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
- We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwhich.
- We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
- We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.
- We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
- We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.
- We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.
- We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
- We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
- Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
- We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don't know half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".
- We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
- We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
~~~
Murphy on Work
- There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
- The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
- People are always available for work in the past tense.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
~~~
Second Wife
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
~~~
A Lobster Story
In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three-pound live lobsters, one in each hand.
It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: "Well me Laddie I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season Closed!"
The Newfie says, "No - My Son you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended."
The Fisheries Officer says, " Trained like how?"
"Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!"
"Likely story", the Fisheries Officer says! "Lets take them on down the wharf and see if it's true."
So, the Newfie goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.
The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another! After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, "How about whistling?"
The Newfie says " What For?"
The Fisheries Officer says, " To call in the Lobsters"
The Newfie says, " What Lobsters?"
~~~
Neighbor's Barking
Chris and Pat are in their residence listening to the neighbor's dog, who has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. Finally, Chris jumps up and says, 'I've had enough of this'
Rushing downstairs, Chris finally returns, and Pat says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
Chris says, 'I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it.'
~~~
May you blessed with the wisdom to choose the best foods for your menu to facilite maximum health, and May you always enjoy robust and energetic well-being.

Sources
(1)http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080204212850.htm
see also:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2001/05/010508083559.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/01/070108191636.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2002/10/021004064826.htm
folate sources:
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5553.html

Monday, March 10, 2008

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHY HEART

Sign-up for the weekly newsletter digest that is packed with the latest news in healthy living, you need this resource interactive
write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
**************HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHY HEART************
(1)
Heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States. It is also one of the main causes of death in Canada and is killing more and more people throughout the world.
Dietary advice for reducing heart disease risk includes eating a balanced diet with less saturated fat from red meats, more fresh fruits and vegetables, more fish, less sugar, more fiber and for many people, fewer total calories. Then you can make your heart and the rest of your cardiovascular system even healthier by adding more of these foods:
Salmon
Fish is an excellent source of omega-3 fatty acids that protect your heart by reducing both inflammation and the risk of blood clots. These fats also work to keep your cholesterol levels healthy. Eat salmon or other oily ocean fish like tuna, sardines or herring at least two times per week. For a heart-healthy meal, try grilled salmon steaks with a green vegetable and a side salad with a sprinkling of
Olive oil reduces your risk of heart disease by lowering your LDL cholesterol levels. Choose olive oil for cooking, or make a nice dip for whole grain bread by pouring a bit of olive oil in a small bowl and add a bit of balsamic vinegar and a sprinkle of oregano.
Oats contain a soluble fiber called beta glucan that helps reduce total cholesterol and LDL cholesterol. Soluble fiber also helps keep your digestive system healthy. Enjoy oatmeal with just a small amount of brown sugar and plenty of strawberries and walnuts for breakfast. Cold cereals made with oats are also great with low-fat milk
Apples contain a phytochemical called quercetin which acts as an antiinflammatory and will help prevent blood clots as well. Apples contain vitamins and fiber, come in several delicious varieties and are portable. Eat an apple with a handful of walnuts or almonds as a healthy snack or add apple slices to your healthy salads.
Almonds and other nuts contain healthy oils, vitamin E and other substances that will help keep cholesterol levels in check. Almonds are also a good source of protein and fiber. Almonds make a great snack on their own, or sprinkle slivered almonds on green beans or asparagus with lemon juice as a deliciously healthy side
Red wine contains a powerful antioxidant called resveratrol. Resveratrol has been shown to be good for your heart. Be sure to enjoy red wine in moderation. Studies
Whole grains provide vitamins and fiber that will help to keep your heart healthy. Make a deliciously healthy sandwich with two slices of 100-percent whole-grain bread, three ounces of lean turkey breast, lots of sliced tomatoes and avocado, plus lettuce and a bit of mustard. Switch from white pasta to whole grain pasta too.
Green leafy vegetables contain folate, which helps to keep homocysteine levels down, and vitamin E. Green leafy vegetables have also been associated with better retention of memory as age. Try using fresh spinach leaves or other greens for your favorite salad instead of iceberg lettuce.
Tomatoes are packed with vitamins and lycopene, which has been shown to reduce heart disease risk. Add thick slices of tomatoes to sandwiches and salads or enjoy tomato sauce on whole wheat pasta. In fact, cooked tomato sauce and canned tomato sauce that you buy in the store both contain more lycopene than raw tomatoes.
Soy protein has been shown to prevent heart attacks and soy makes an excellent protein substitute for red meat, which will reduce your saturated fat intake. Add tofu to your favorite stir fry or pour soy milk on your morning cereal.

(3)
Research shows that the curry spice turmeric can help prevent heart failure and repair damaged hearts.
Although the tests were carried out in mice, scientists are hopeful the findings could apply to humans.
Heart failure, in which the heart, damaged by heart attack or disease, gradually loses the ability to pump blood round the body, typically kills 40 percent of victims within a year of onset. Symptoms include tiredness, swollen ankles and breathlessness.
Although there are drugs that can control the condition, there is no way of repairing the scarring and damage suffered by heart muscles.


I have a few changes to make to this list, first, unless the soy is fermented stay away from it, it has phytic acid that causes too many problems for too many to be considered beneficial.See Soy-health or hazard Also almonds are only beneficial if they are raw. Unfortunately the government thinks they need to be nuked to be "safe". Many people are allergic to grains and should avoid them also. Vegetables are best for healthy hearts if they are brightly colored, and leafy, Grocery stores tend to throw away the healthiest parts of lettuce and cabbage, because they are the darkest, most nutritious parts. Celery is grown surrounded by walls designed to blanch or keep them pale, in this case it keeps the celery from being too bitter, but it also keeps the vitamin count down. The most nutritious parts of the celery are the bitterish leaves and greenest outside stalks. The brightest colors of foods, the raw, and freshest ones are the healthiest. See Phyto power

Much ado is made of Cholesterol but as we've seen recently it is not nearly the villian drug manufacturers are wont to worry us about. See Cholesterol, not the bad thing we think it is However it is important to protect our circulatory system by using proper fats, coconut oil, and raw butter are the best to cook with, Olive oil is best to have as a salad dressing base. Trans fats are really hazardous to our health but saturated and poly unsaturated fats are our friends. Red meats if the animal was grain-fed are dangerous to our hearts but lard made from Beef that is range-fed is very good for us. Normal vegetable oils, even those that are touted to be good for us aren't, they are the artery cloggers.

An extremely important factor in heart health is EFA'a.
(2)
Fatty Acid Therapy: Your Heart Could Hang In The Balance
n-3 Fats May Modulate The Key Risk Markers Cholesterol and Insulin
Early Arctic explorers were among the first to observe the puzzling enigma: Why did Eskimos, who heartily consumed one of the fattiest diets on the planet, rarely ever develop heart disease?
This riddle has been solved bit by bit, as mounting research uncovers a plethora of heart-healthy benefits associated with omega-3 (n-3) oils. These fatty nutrients are contained in high amounts in the traditional Eskimo diet of coldwater fish, seal, and whale meat. Now, a new study on rural Inuit populations of northern Quebec lends more support to this already strong association.


EFA's or essential fatty acids include Flax seed, Borage, cold water fish like Salmon, Sardines, Tuna, Mackeral, cod and halibut but pick the smaller ones to eat due to Mercury content in the bigger fish. Oh and pick the ones that are wild caught. Who knows what the farmed fish are fed.

So, to sum this up, the answer is stil diet and exercise, eat fresh, locally grown veggies, and get lots of EFA's, and the right fats, cook gently and eat no processed foods. And don't forget the turmeric.

As for me, I'm taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY.
And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************
Be sure to check out my new favorite interactive health message group healthwatch
Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
-- Laurence J. Peter, "The Peter
Principle"

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook
and the violinist.
-- G. K. Chesterton
~~~

"Who you are screams so loudly into my ears that I
cannot hear what you say."

- Emerson
~~~
Adopted Twins
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
~~~~
Van Gogh's Family Tree
- His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
- The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
- The brother who worked at a convenience store - Stop an Gogh
- The grandfather from Yugoslavia - U Gogh
- The cousin from Illinois - Chica Gogh
- His magician uncle - Where-diddy Gogh
- His Mexican cousin - A mee Gogh
- The Mexican cousin's American half-brother - Ring Gogh
- The nephew who drove a stage coach - Wells-far Gogh
- The constipated uncle - Cant Gogh
- The ballroom dancing aunt - Tang Gogh
- The bird lover uncle - Flaming Gogh
- His nephew psychoanalyst - E Gogh
- The fruit loving cousin - Man Gogh
- An aunt who taught positive thinking - Way-to Gogh
- The little bouncy nephew - Poe Gogh
- A sister who loved disco - Go Gogh
- And his niece who traveled the country in a van - Winnie Bay Gogh
Apologies to the Dutch, I know it's pronounced Goch.
~~~
That Darned Cat
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that darned cat on the phone. I'm lost and need directions!"
~~~
GOSSIP
Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to
repeat a rumor.
In ancient Greece, Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the
great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and
said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to
pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Three?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my
student, let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.
The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are
about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about
to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even
Though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a Third
test -- the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my
student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor
Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and left, ashamed.
~~~
Bad Day
You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Dad. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"
~~~
May your heart be blessed with health and love, May your life be filled with joy and laughter a great medicine for your heart.

SOURCES
(1)http://nutrition.about.com/od/foodfun/a/healthy_heart.htm
(2)http://www.gdx.net/home/news/connections/vol14/conn20011128.html
(3)http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/08/03/10/ALT02080310-02.html?utm_campaign=nl_health&utm_term=20080310&utm_source=ta_nl&utm_medium=email
http://www.treelight.com/health/nutrition/PartiallyHydrogenatedOils.html
http://www.mercola.com/2003/oct/15/cooking_oil.htm
http://www.aspartame.ca/page_oho3.htm

Thursday, March 6, 2008

PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY AND THYME

Sign-up for the weekly newsletter digest that is packed with the latest news in healthy living, you need this resource interactive
write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
***********PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY AND THYME*********

Herbs have long been used for both their culinary flavor and their medicinal qualities, these among many others; are both: PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY AND THYME.

(1)
Parsley is believed to be indigenous to Sardinia, Turkey, Algeria, and Lebanon, where it still grows wild. Sardinian coins, until recent times, were minted with a parsley imprint. A member of the carrot family, there are more than thirty-seven different varieties, including broad-leaved, curly-leaved, Hamburg, and Neapolitan (Italian) parsley. The mild curly-leaved is prettier as a garnish, but the flat-leaved (Italian) is more tender and has a stronger, more intense flavor.
Parsley has a tangy, sweet flavor that helps bring out the flavor of other herbs and seasonings, particularly in soups and stews. The stems have a stronger flavor than the leaves; both are used to flavor sauces, soups, salads, omelets, and stuffings and as a decorative garnish for virtually any dish. Because of the high vitamin C and iron content of this herb, it should be added to foods whenever possible. Parsley's high chlorophyll content works to absorb odors and thus makes an effective after-dinner breath mint. Parsley is also available in the form of dried flakes, although these are lacking in both flavor and color compared to the fresh.
Raw parsley facilitates oxygen metabolism, cleanses the blood, dissolves sticky deposits in veins, maintains elasticity of blood vessels, facilitates removal of moderately sized kidney stones and gallstones, stimulates the bowel, treats deafness and ear infections, benefits the sexual system, and stimulates adrenal sections. Chewed after eating a meal heavy in garlic, it will eliminate halitosis (bad breath) because of its chlorophyll content. Parsley tea strengthens the teeth and makes a face lotion to increase circulation and bring color to the skin. Stir one teaspoonful of parsley leaves in a cup of hot water; cool, stir, and strain before drinking or using as a wash.



(2)
Sage is indigenous to northern Mediterranean regions, where it prefers the arid soil of hillsides, especially if it is chalky. Sage finds its most representative natural habitat in Dalmatia - on the chalky, practically bare, and very stony lands overhanging the Adriatic. It probably crossed the Alps along with the monks on their travels. Another member of the enormous mint family, this aromatic woody evergreen shrub has violet-blue flowers and woolly, gray-green leaves. Like many other foods, sage got into the pantry via the medicine chest. Its health-protecting advantages have been forgotten by many, but along the way most people have learned to like its flavor. The French produced so much sage at one time that they exported it in the form of tea; the Chinese became so fond of sage tea that they traded four pounds of their tea for one pound of sage.
Sage is available as fresh or dried leaves, the dried being generally preferred over the fresh leaves. The flavor of sage may be described as warm, pungent, slightly bitter yet lemony, with just a hint of camphor. Chopped fresh or dried leaves are added to salads, kebabs, stuffings, squash dishes, beans, pickles, and cheese. The most popular use of sage is as an ingredient in stuffing at Thanksgiving, but it should be used throughout the year.
Sage is one of those herbs that has been used to cure a multitude of ills. One of its properties is to aid in the digestion of heavy, greasy meats, preventing their oxidation, and thus sage is a common ingredient in pork, sausage, and duck recipes. Its action focuses on the mouth, the throat, and the female reproductive system. It increases estrogen and helps treat menopausal sweats. It has long been regarded as a tonic that keeps the stomach, intestines, kidneys, liver, spleen, and sexual organs healthy (although it may temper sexual desire). Sage is stimulating and cleansing to the skin and scalp, soothing to sore muscles, and restorative to aging skin and hair, encouraging hair growth if the roots have not been destroyed. Its stimulating qualities increase circulation and relieve headaches, break fevers, and help reduce respiratory congestion and other cold symptoms. For sparkling teeth, rub them with fresh sage leaves; this will not only whiten and clean the teeth, but also strengthen the gums and make the breath pleasant. Because sage contains sclereol, which stimulates the body to produce its own estrogen, it may nutritionally support the body during the childbearing years and menopause. It may also help us in coping with despair and mental fatigue.



(3)
In addition, rosemary is a valuable culinary herb. It is a member of the mint family, which includes other popular seasonings such as basil, oregano, sage, and thyme. Rosemary is a common ingredient in French and Italian dishes. It can be used to flavor stews, entrees, soups, and casseroles, and may be added to various dressings. It is a component of the popular Italian seasoning.
Rosemary can also be tastefully added to dishes that feature potatoes, squash, tomatoes, peas and carrots. When used sparingly, rosemary adds an interesting flavor to cakes, baked apples and biscuits. The flavor of rosemary is at its best when the leaves are harvested at the time the plant is in bloom. The youngest stems contain the leaves that are the most fragrant.
The fresh or dried leaves and flowering tops of rosemary are used for a variety of medicinal benefits. In traditional European medicine, rosemary has been used internally as a tonic, stimulant, and as a carminative to treat flatulence. It is also used to treat dyspepsia, mild gastrointestinal upsets, colds, headaches, and nervous tension. In India and China, rosemary leaves are used to treat headaches.
Early in American history rosemary was used as an antispasmodic, to stimulate the appetite and improve digestion. Today, rosemary is recognized for its ability to stimulate bile secretion and for its anti-inflammatory properties. People gargle rosemary tea to help heal mouth ulcers and canker sores.



(4)
A delicate looking herb with a penetrating fragrance, thyme is a wonderful addition to bean, egg and vegetable dishes. Both fresh and dried thyme is available in your local supermarket throughout the year.
Thyme leaves are curled, elliptically shaped and very small, measuring about one-eighth of an inch long and one-sixteenth of an inch wide. The upper leaf is green-grey in color on top, while the underside is a whitish color. Along with fresh sprigs of parsley and bay leaves, thyme is included in the French combination of herbs called bouquet garni used to season stock, stews and soups.
Thyme has a long history of use in natural medicine in connection with chest and respiratory problems including coughs, bronchitis, and chest congestion. Only recently, however, have researchers pinpointed some of the components in thyme that bring about its healing effects. The volatile oil components of thyme are now known to include carvacolo, borneol, geraniol, but most importantly, thymol.
Significant Anti-Oxidant Protection of Cellular Membranes
Thymol - named after the herb itself - is the primary volatile oil constituent of thyme, and its health-supporting effects are well documented. In studies on aging in rats, thymol has been found to protect and significantly increase the percentage of healthy fats found in cell membranes and other cell structures. In particular, the amount of DHA (docosahexaenoic acid, an omega-3 fatty acid) in brain, kidney, and heart cell membranes was increased after dietary supplementation with thyme. In other studies looking more closely at changes in the brains cells themselves, researchers found that the maximum benefits of thyme occurred when the food was introduced very early in the lifecycle of the rats, but was less effective in offsetting the problems in brain cell aging when introduced late in the aging process.
Thyme also contains a variety of flavonoids, including apigenin, naringenin, luteolin, and thymonin. These flavonoids increase thyme's antioxidant capacity, and combined with its status as a very good source of manganese, give thyme a high standing on the list of anti-oxidant foods.


As for me, I stay healthy with my 1/2 raw, fresh veggie diet, lots of fiber, very little meat [only chicken or fish], I stay active and use CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY.
And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************
Be sure to check out my new favorite interactive health message group healthwatch
Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's
more true that power attracts the corruptible.
The sane are usually attracted by other things
than power.
-- David Brin

Joel: That's the movies, Ed. Try reality.
Ed: No thanks.
-- Ellen Herman, Northern Exposure,
Only You, 1991

Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some
means, get to the garage.
-- Evan Esar

~~~
You are not superior just because you see the
world in an odious light.
-- Vicomte de Chateaubriand

There is still a difference between something and
nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there
is nothing behind the geometry.
-- Martin Gardner, "The Mathematical
Magic Show"

One's real life is often the life that one does
not lead.
-- Oscar Wilde,
~~~
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Y ellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I a m ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow', this is Mujibar."
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have!
~~~
I work in a central reservation office of an airline. After more than 130,000 conversations -- all ending with "Have a nice day and thanks for calling" -- I think it's fair to say that I'm a survivor.
I've made it through all the calls from adults who didn't know the difference between a.m. and p.m., from mothers of military recruits who didn't trust their little soldiers to get it right, from the woman who called to get advice on how to handle her teenage daughter, from the man who wanted to ride inside the kennel with his dog so he wouldn't have to pay for a seat, from the woman who wanted to know why she had to change clothes on our flight between Chicago and Washington (she was told she'd have to make a change between the two cities) and from the man who asked if I'd like to discuss the existential humanism that emanates from the soul of Habeeb.
In five years, I've received more than a boot camp education regarding the astonishing lack of awareness of our American citizenry. This lack of awareness encompasses every region of the country, economic status, ethnic background, and level of education. My battles have included everything from a man not knowing how to spell the name of the town he was from, to another not recognizing the name of "Iowa" as being a state, to another who thought he had to apply for a foreign passport to fly to West Virginia. They are the enemy and they are everywhere.
In the history of the world there has never been as much communication and new things to learn as today. Yet, after asking a woman from New York what city she wanted to go to in Arizona, she asked "Oh...is it a big place?"
I talked to a woman in Denver who had never heard of Cincinnati, a man in Minneapolis who didn't know there was more than one city in the South ("wherever the South is"), a woman in Nashville who asked, "Instead of paying for my ticket, can I just donate the money to the National Cancer Society?", and a man in Dallas who tried to pay for his ticket by sticking quarters in the pay phone he was calling from.
I knew a full invasion was on the way when, shortly after signing on, a man asked if we flew to exit 35 on the New Jersey Turnpike. Then a woman asked if we flew to area code 304. And I knew I had been shipped off to the front when I was asked, "When an airplane comes in, does that mean it's arriving or departing?" I remembered the strict training we had received -- four weeks of regimented classes on airline codes, computer technology, and telephone behavior -- and it allowed for no means of retaliation. "Troops," we were told, "it's real hell out there and ya got no defense. You're going to hear things so silly you can't even make 'em up. You'll try to explain things to your friends that you don't even believe yourself, and just when you think you've heard it all, someone will ask if they can get a free round-trip ticket to Europe by reciting 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'."
Well, Sarge was right. It wasn't long before I suffered a direct hit from a woman who wanted to fly to Hippopotamus, NY. After assuring her that there was no such city, she became irate and said it was a big city with a big airport. I asked if Hippopotamus was near Albany or Syracuse. It wasn't. Then I asked if it was near Buffalo. "Buffalo!" she said. "I knew it was a big animal!"
Then I crawled out of my bunker long enough to be confronted by a man who tried to catch our flight in Maconga. I told him I'd never heard of Maconga and we certainly didn't fly to it. But he insisted we did and to prove it he showed me his ticket: Macon, GA.
I've done nothing during my conversational confrontations to indicate that I couldn't understand English. But after quoting the round-trip fare the passenger just asked for, he'll always ask: "...Is that one-way?" I never understood why they always question if what I just gave them is what they just asked for. Then I realized it was part of the hell Sarge told us about.
But I've survived to direct the lost, correct the wrong, comfort the weary, teachU.S.geography and give tutoring in the spelling and pronunciation of American cities. I have been told things like: "I can't go stand-by for your flight because I'm in a wheelchair." I've been asked such questions as: "I have a connecting flight to Knoxville. Does that mean the plane sticks to something?" And once a man wanted to go to Illinois. When I asked what city he wanted to go to in Illinois, he said, "Cleveland, Ohio."
After 130,000 little wars of varying degrees, I'm a wise old veteran of the communicating conflict and can anticipate with accuracy what the next move by "them" will be. Seventy-five percent won't have anything to write on. Half will not have thought about when they're returning. A third won't know where they're going; 10 percent won't care where they're going. A few won't care if they get back. And James will be the first name of half the men who call.
But even if James doesn't care if he gets to the city he never heard of; even if he thinks he has to change clothes on our plane that may stick to something; even if he can't spell, pronounce, or remember what city he's returning to, he'll get there because I've worked very hard to make sure that he can. Then with a click of the phone, he'll become a part of my past and I'll be hoping the next caller at least knows what day it is.
Oh, and James..."Thanks for calling and have a nice day."
~~~
Circle Flies
A Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where
Hillary Clinton is attending, and trying gather more support for her
nomination. Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she starts
to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable
words.
As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were
buzzing around her head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem
with them circle flies?"
She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're
called. But I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.
The y're called circle flies because they're almost always found
circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment
later she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for
citizens of New York to call their Senator a horse's rear end."
"That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard
to fool them flies though."
~~~
May you be blessed with the knowledge of making your food your medicine, of staying healthy despite all of the dangers out there and be able to enjoy that health for many years to come.

SOURCES
(1) http://straightfromthegarden.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=SFTG&Category_Code=N
(2) ibid
(3) http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=77
(4) http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=77

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

REAL BREAST CANCER HELP

Sign-up for the weekly newsletter digest that is packed with the latest news in healthy living, you need this resource interactive
write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
****************REAL BREAST CANCER HELP**************
(1)
Ralph W. Moss, Ph.D. - "Conventional cancer therapy is so toxic and dehumanizing that I fear it far more than I fear death from cancer. We know that conventional therapy doesn't work--if it did, you would not fear cancer any more than you fear pneumonia. It is the utter lack of certainty as to the outcome of conventional treatment that virtually screams for more freedom of choice in the area of cancer therapy. Yet most alternative therapies regardless of potential or proven benefit, are outlawed, which forces patients to submit to the failures that we know don't work, because there's no other choice."
Linda Page, N.D. Ph.D - "Of the women in menopause today, about half start synthetic hormone replacement, but only half of those stick with it because of the side effects or fear of cancer risk. The threat of breast and uterine cancer is dramatically increased with HRT"


It's not a foregone conclusion that one will die of cancer, but for sure the conventional methods will make life miserable.

First the radiation and pressure of the testing, the false positive results and anxiety involved make for much more danger for women who have or might have breast cancer.

Some say these are the prevention methods:Folic acid, coenzyme Q, coenzyme Q10, calcium D-glucarate, beta-carotene, fish oils, yogurt, vitamin A, fruits, vegetables, soy products, phyto-estrogens, antioxidants, folates, selenium, mushrooms, broccoli, cabbage, cantaloupe, salads,Organic foods, Exercise, no smoking, moderate alcohol use (consensus on amount varies), Stop wearing bras,Ductal lavage, Removal of ovaries, Prophylactic mastectomy. I would add strictly limit or best eliminate all sugar and High Fructose Corn Syrup, in your diet because sugar feeds cancer,

In my humble opinion giving money to drug companies means adding to after-the-fact pharmaceuticals, surgeries, and other maiming measures and not helping people prevent or cure breast cancer. If the researchers do come across a real cure do you really think they will endanger their livelihoods by releasing it? Especially if the cure is to live a life filled with fresh air, sunshine [unimpeded by chemical skin cover] eat fresh local raw vegetables, to drink pure water, to have your children naturally and breast-feed. Few want to hear that, they want quick fixes; a pill not a lifestyle change.
As fr me, I stay healthy with my 1/2 raw, fresh veggie diet, lots of fiber, very little meat [only chicken or fish], I stay active and use CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY.
And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************
Be sure to check out my new favorite interactive health message group healthwatch
Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
A coupla months in the laboratory can save a
coupla hours in the library.
-- Westheimer's Discovery

I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor,
and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
-- Mary Chase, Jimmy Stewart in
"Harvey", 1950

There is no nonsense so gross that society will
not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and
defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity.
-- Robertson Davies

If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become
a Mercedes.
-- Robert Redford

~~~
Your Boyfriends
Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends... She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the
best..
She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms.
However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the
difficult times.
The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him.
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was
short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'
Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying,
will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No way!', replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word. His answer cut like a sharp knife
right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to
marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the 2nd boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:
Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.
Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.
Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.
~~~
A man spoke frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!".
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
~~~~
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the lowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
~~~
AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
He received a $26 million dollar severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
~~~
Saw a billboard that said,
"Need help? Call Jesus!
1-800-005-3787"
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.
~~~
CRABSA man boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the
crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man, knowing what a delicacy crabs are in other parts of the
country, firmly advised her that he was holding her personally
responsible for the crabs staying frozen. He proceeded to rant
and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York, she announced over the intercom
to the entire cabin,
"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in
New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up so she took them home and ate them herself.
Men never learn .
~~~
One dark night in the small town of Garfield, NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat blinkinga truck!!"
~~~
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
~~~
May you all be blessed with disease-free lives, may your lives be filed with life, love and laughter.






SOURCES
(1)http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com/breastcancer.htm http://www.vermontwoman.com/articles/0204/tangled-in-pink.shtml