IS IT THE THYROID?

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***************IS IT THE THYROID?****************
If you have the following symptoms, maybe you have hypothyroidism, even if your doctor has done tests and says you don't; you might just have sub-clinical Hypothyroidism - a condition in which the body lacks sufficient thyroid hormone.
maybe what they used to call "a touch of it". Some say a full half of the people who have it are not diagnosed with it. Oh! What to do- what to do?

IS THIS YOU?
(1)

Fatigued in the morning
Poor or cracked nails
Cold all the time
Dry skin
Coarse hair/hair loss
Depression
Constipation
Muscle/joint pains
Trouble losing weight
Chronic infections
Acne
Trouble with memory
High cholesterol
Severe PMS
Irregular periods
Low sex drive
Infertility
Excessive menopause symptoms
Ovarian cysts
Endometriosis
Gum disease
Eczema
Poor stamina

The main purpose of the Thyroid is to 'run the metabolism', so you can see how important it is for it to be efficient. Two of the main causes are a prior inflammation or autoimmune thyroiditis. basically treatment is a supplementation of the thyroid hormone or just getting the body well enough to maintain its own production. Pretty much they'll want you to continue taking these drugs indefinitely, so it doesn't recur.

There is a third form of thyroiditis called silent thyroiditis, doctors like to prescribe several drugs to 'regain' health, including beta blockers, surgery or Radioactive Iodine, just imagine you can read in bed without a bedside light, you can light your own way while you explore caves or you can hire out to stand on cliffs to direct sea traffic.

I think I'd rather try getting healthy with natural methods first....some supplements for it include

*Iodine *Selenium *Zinc *Vitamin D *Vitamin E *Antioxidants
*Essential Fats *Amino Acids

I'm taking Thyromine, it has Adrenal Powder from Bovine, ginger, Guglipid, Nori, Piper Longu, Thyroid Powder From Bovine, and L-Tyrosine. You can check out the website to see what each ingredient does. It starts at $39.95 for a month's supply.
I'm also still working to get rid of the diabetes so I'm taking:
CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


And I am substantially benefiting from each and every method I recommend.
*************************************

Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings Everyone needs at least one of these for their emergency kits:
pure-go filtering water bottles
It lasts for approximately 1 year. If a person drinks 3 bottles of water per day the cost of the bottle is equals less than 3 cents per fill up.

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
EXPLANATION OF GOD

"We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young - discovering happiness in your everyday life; laughing and finding humor each day; giving of yourself to others - so that way goodness may magically comes back to us; and DREAMING - for when you lose your dreams, you die."
"We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability.
The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."
~~~
“We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.”
~~~
"Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."
~~~
Funny Fluke
My dentistry patients are called and reminded the day before their scheduled appointments. During an office visit, one man was in an especially good humor and explained why. "My staff kids me about the high opinion I have of myself," he said. "Yesterday your receptionist left a message that had them in stitches."
He related the memo his secretary had handed him: "Your crown is ready."
~~~
Zip It!
My mother taught for 11 years at a day-care center. One winter afternoon she was trying to show a young boy how to zip up his coat. "The secret," Mom said, "is to get this piece of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up."
After struggling with the zipper for several minutes, the boy sighed and said, "Why does it have to be a secret?"
-- -
...With Some Wit on the Side
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
~~~
All Aboard!
In the 22-story office building where I worked, rush hours meant crowds of people waiting a long time for the three passenger elevators. One evening my boss was one of the throng relegated to the freight elevator.
When a fellow rider complained about having to take this mode of transportation, my boss replied philosophically, "Better freight than never!"
~~~
Comic Calling
My younger brother, I explained to a friend, had quite a temper as a boy. Our parents had tried extra love, attention and patience on him, with little success. Then, in the middle of one of his tantrums, they simply handed him a shovel, pointed to the backyard and instructed him to go out and dig and not come back until he had control of his anger.
"Apparently," I said, "the therapy worked, because he's turned out very nicely."
"What does he do for a living?" my friend asked.
"He builds in-ground swimming pools."
~~~
Sew in Stitches
Shortly after graduating from veterinary school, I rode with my mother in the Michigan Trail Riders' annual trek across state. Late one afternoon, I was summoned to look at a horse that had reared up and flipped over in his trailer. Fortunately the horse was not seriously injured, but some lacerations needed stitching.
As I worked, I heard my mother chatting with the perturbed owner. "Don't worry, sir," she said. "My daughter's a great vet. She'll fix your horse up just fine."
"That's good to hear," said the man. "How long has she been a vet?"
"A week," replied my mother, proudly. Then hastily she added, "But she's been embroidering since she was eight years old."
-- -
Down Under Droll
While I was working at a delicatessen in Sydney, Australia, a woman overheard my accent and asked if I was American. "Lovely!" she exclaimed when I told her that I was. "I've been looking for one of your lot. My son is living in the States with his American wife, and she sent me a recipe that calls for half-and-half. Could you tell me, luv, half of wot and half of wot?"
-- -



~~~
This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration Mohammed Omar warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada's supply of convenience store managers.

And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Bell and Sprint customer service reps
~~~
Every man needs a wife, because things sometimes go wrong that you can't blame on the government.
~~~
BILL GATES BUYS A HOUSE

Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."

Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"

Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated."

Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."

Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."

Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker."

Bill: "Stacker?"

Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you're done."

Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way."

Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."

Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."

Bill: "You're kidding!?"

Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."

Bill: " Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work."
Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures."
Bill: "And how do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work."
Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?"
Contractor: "Hey, nobody's making you buy it."
Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"
Contractor: "Oh, in your next house -- which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. It was due out this year, but we've had some delays..."
~~~

Country Preacher
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
a Bible,
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky
and a Playboy magazine
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself, 'when he comes home from school this afternoon,
I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard,and, Lord, what a shame that would be, and worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.
'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 'He's gonna run for Congress.''
~~~
May you be blessed with abundant energy, stamina and ambition, not just the ability to do things but the "want to" too.
~~~
SOURCES
http://thyroid.ultrawellness.com/broken.php
http://www.endocrineweb.com/hypo1.html
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypothyroidism/DS00353
http://thyroid.about.com/od/alternativeholisticinfo/Alternative_Holistic_and_Complementary_Thyroid_Diagnosis_Treatment.htm

MEDICAL MISHAPS

Sign-up for the weekly newsletter digest that is packed with the latest news in healthy living, you need this resource interactive
write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
***************MEDICAL MISHAPS****************
(1)

Doctors and medical specialists are miracle workers, right? And when we go to hospital, we'll leave healthier than when we arrived, right? Well, not always, unfortunately, as accidents can happen and modern medicine isn't immune to Murphy's Law. So, what are the most terrifyingly medical blunders that could happen to you

So goes the Rusty Buckets site on medical boo boos.

here is the list: It is not exclusive: There are many more Iatrogenic health hazards involving Medico-types.

Waking During Surgery
Waking during surgery is rare, but "rare", according to The American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA), means 1 to 2 people out of every 1000 patients. You're much more likely to be sliced open without being able to move or communicate than you are to win the lottery. Hand up here.

Objects Left In The Body After Surgery
This phenomenon is pure gold for the tabloid press, and it seems there's no end to the number of patients reporting how surgeons left scissors, gauze, and other bits and pieces inside their bodies.

Wrong Site Surgery
The problem of surgeons operating on the wrong body location, amputating healthy limbs, or operating on the wrong body altogether, is apparently "getting worse," according to Denis O'Leary, head of the non-profit Joint Commission on Accreditation of Health Care Organizations. Frighteningly, hospitals are not obliged to reveal such statistics to the public. What we hear about is "just the tip of the iceberg," according to O'Leary, who adds that; "some hospitals are reporting everything, and some hospitals don't report anything at all."

Dirty Doctors
"In 1846 when the first obstetrical hospital was opened in Vienna, one in eight pregnant women died from puerperal fever. Professor Ignacz Semmelweiss dramatically ended these deaths by demanding that doctors wash their hands after doing an autopsy and before delivering a baby."
suggestions to make your hospital stay infection-free.
* telling your doctor to wash his hands (good luck with that one);
* have urinary catheters removed as soon as possible after surgery (not a tip you'd forget easily);
* don't smoke prior to an operation, as it can promote lung infections;
* let staff know if you're writhing in insufferable pain.
* Better still, stay out of hospital. Hand up here too, my mother died of needless infection.


Prescription Medicine
Is medicine becoming too complicated for the average patient? Or doctor for that matter, as it seems that the practice of prescribing incorrect medications with similar sounding or looking names is on the rise, with dire and sometimes fatal results. One case involved a patient who was prescribed sixty-times the recommended dose of Librium instead of Lithium to treat his depression. Needless to say, the man died as a result. Some of us have decided that all medication might be best avoided.

Doctors Of Death
Hell bent on causing mayhem and destruction, doctors of death like Nazi medico Joseph Mengele use their position of authority to violate their professional oath of preserving life. One recent case involved disgraced doctor Jayant Patel, who, after losing his license in the United States, was able to enter Australia where he quickly set up a practice. Patel treated over 1000 patients in Australia, with 80 of them dying due to his incompetence.

Buried Alive
Being buried alive is one of the most terrifying of all fears. The scenario of waking up inside a coffin six-feet-under has been used in films such as The Vanishing, Kill Bill and, of course, Buried Alive, but just how likely is it?
During the 17th century, plague victims often collapsed seemingly dead and historical records indicate that there were 219 close calls and 149 actual cases of people being buried alive. But hey, that was the 17th century; it couldn't possibly happen today, could it?




Private Contractors
Accountants have been sent in to "improve" health services around the world, but unfortunately, things aren't going to plan.
Drug Trials
Clinical trials are a necessary aspect of modern medicine, and we owe the people who take part in them a great deal. But they're not called trials for nothing, and things do go wrong.



Cosmetic Cock-Ups

Last year it was found that dozens of doctors had been using an unapproved form of botulism toxin to smooth out their patient's wrinkles, instead of the more expensive Botox. Investigators said that the substitute that was pumped into cheeks and brows across the nation could be as deadly as cyanide.

Then there are
*misdiagnoses,
*being given medication that one's body should never have to deal with, dangerous chemicals that make the cure way worse than the disease.
*cut-happy doctors-surgeons so enamoured of the scalpel skills that they cause needless post surgical pain for the patient
*giving the wrong blood type
*refusing to listen to the patient and giving whatever drug the drug companies are pushing that week.
*lab mess-ups
*wrong prescriptions ordered or way too much given

Ok to be perfectly fair, Doctors tend to be extremely busy, their darned office workers insist of booking four patients in every fifteen minute section of the appointment book. Then Golf Clubs, those pesky institutions of perversity, have fewer and fewer tee times available at the last minute so doctors have to wait at the 'nineteenth hole' to be able to begin their daily 8 hour breaks, and the temptations of Alcohol and ever-present life-style-enhancing drugs are just too available.

Also lab results sometimes come in with confusing names and numbers on them, it's no wonder they can confused. Wit all the doctors have to do it's no wonder they allow the pharmaceutical companies to teach them the latest techniques and disease solutions, and with the added benefit of being paid to prescribe these drugs the doctors consider this a win-win situation.

I've had my share of these medical errors, including a GYN who never ever knew I have RH negative blood [and my husband had RH positive, of course], so that after I had my baby by Cesarean Section [delivered by a drunk doctor, I kid you not!} Apparently there was enough blood exchange so I had a series of miscarriages afterwards [and couldn't find a doctor to go to while bleeding], The final one being bad enough to where I ended up having a Tubal Ligation at age 24! No more children for me!

After seeing two doctors during my pregnancy [we moved across the country at this time], I was told by one here take this medication, and this and this, [for my severe digestive problems] the second said "There's nothing wrong with you", so I ended up having to have a gall bladder removal [during which I woke up] surgery, the surgeon decided he had to extend a surgery that was supposed to last 45 minutes to 2 1/2 hours so he could cut into every single bit of healthy tissue in the area of my now gone gall bladder, ["Don't worry, you'll never miss it", has devolved into an infiltrated-overworked-Liver and numerous allergies]. Just at this time, the very same GYN who thought I needed lots of drugs-[none of which I ever took, btw] said I was too frail to have more children at that time, so he prescribed the Pill, he said "This is the safe one". Exactly one month after starting the Ortho-Novum Birth control pill I had a massive stroke. So, in the space of three months I had a Cesarean Section, a Cholesystectomy, and a massive CVA [stroke] I was twenty years old.

Later, I tried get through to doctors who absolutely refused to listen to me. I was trying to get help for the damage the stroke did to my body, but the doctors looked at me [I was masking- a normal response to stroke is to hide the damage] and said "You look fine to me." But I couldn't think properly, my muscles spasmed so bad I ached from it and I had a Swiss-cheese memory. My big idea was to tell them I was nearly at my wit's end, and really needed help, so the doctor prescribed a psycho-tropic, a mind drug. I couldn't stay awake [yes, even in public; I'd nod off] while taking this mind numbing drug, but he kept insisting I take a bigger dose. This is when I finally quit going to doctors and decided if I wanted to live it was soley up to me.

I know of a few people who insist my hatred of Doctors and the AMA is unfounded that they are indeed the demi-gods as they see themselves. But I remain unconvinced.

I'm taking control of my own health and anyone else can too. Allopathic medicine says every condition of the human experience is pathogenic [an illness] and needs to be treated by pharmaceuticals. I disagree, to me all doctors are either pill pushers [yo know drug dealers] or butchers. Possibly the Emergency doctors have a place, but for the most part nearly all disease that is no genetic or the result of trauma, is caused by what we eat, breathe in or drink.

Ok, you do not have to believe this, It is purely my opinion, and since I'm small potatoes in the Grand Scheme of things, I can darned well say it the way I see it.

As for me, I'm still working to get well, I'm staying in the arena of alternative medicine because I believe in it, and because I've never had any help from Allopathic medicine, I've been overdosed at a Young age with antibiotics, every single prescribed drug I was given has caused terrible reactions... So it's no wonder I feel this way, if you've had wonderful doctors I'm glad for you, I hear it's not exactly common, but I'm glad for you.

I am taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


And I am substantially benefiting from each and every method I recommend.
*************************************

Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings Everyone needs at least one of these for their emergency kits:
pure-go filtering water bottles
It lasts for approximately 1 year. If a person drinks 3 bottles of water per day the cost of the bottle is equals less than 3 cents per fill up.

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~

STORY NUMBER ONE
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago . Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.
Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also, Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.
Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.
Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was
Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done.
He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al; "Scarface " Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great..So, he testified.
Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street.
But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.
The poem read:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop..At late or early hour..Now is the only time you own...Live, love, toil with a will...Place no faith in time, for the clock may soon be still."

STORY NUMBER TWO
World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.
One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank.
He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.
His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.
As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold: a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet.
The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.
Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.
Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.
Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.
Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the
carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his
return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed
the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet.
He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.
This took place on February 20, 1942 , and for that action Butch became
the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the
Congressional Medal of Honor.
A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home
town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today,
O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great
man.
So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some
thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal
of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?
Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son.
~~~
A father of some teenage children had the family rule that they could not attend PG-13, R or X rated movies. His three teens wanted to see a particular popular movie that was playing at local theaters. It was rated PG-13. The teens interviewed friends and even some members of their family's church to find out what was offensive in the movie. The teens made a list of pros and cons about the movie to use to convince their dad that they should be allowed to see it.

The cons were:
*It contained ONLY 3 swear words!
*The ONLY violence was a building exploding (and you see that on TV all the time they said),
*You actually did not 'see' the couple in the movie having sex, it was just implied sex, off camera.

The pros were:
*It was a popular movie, (a blockbuster).
*Everyone was seeing it.
*If the teens saw the movie then they would not feel left out when their friends discussed it.
*The movie contained a good story and plot.
*It had some great adventure and suspense in it.
*There were some fantastic special effects in this movie.
*The movie's stars were some of the most talented actors in Hollywood .
*It probably would be nominated for several awards.
*Many members of their Christian church, including the pastor, had even seen the movie and said it wasn't really 'that bad'.

Therefore, since there were more pros than cons the teens asked their father to reconsider his position on just this ONE movie and let them have permission to go see it. The father looked at the list and thought for a few minutes. He said he could tell his children had spent some time and thought on this request. He asked if he could have a day to think about it before making his decision. The teens were thrilled, thinking, 'Now we've got him! Our argument is too good! Dad can't turn us down!' So, they happily agreed to let him have a day to think about their request.
The next evening the Father called his three teenagers, who were smiling smugly, into the living room. There on the coffee table he had a plate of brownies. The teens were puzzled. The father told his children he had thought about their request and had decided that if they would eat the brownies, then he would let them go to the movie. But, he explained, just like the movie, the brownies had pros and cons.

The pros were:
*They were made with the finest chocolate and other good ingredients.
*They had the added special effect of yummy walnuts in them.
*The brownies were moist and fresh with wonderful chocolate frosting on top.
*He had made these fantastic brownies using an award-winning recipe.
*And best of all, the brownies had been made lovingly by the hand of their own father.

The brownies only had one con:
*He had included a little bit of a special ingredient: The brownies contained just a small amount of dog poop. But he had mixed the dough well and they probably would not even be able to taste the dog poop and he had baked it at 350 degrees so hopefully any bacteria or germs from the dog poop had probably been destroyed.
Therefore, if any of his children could stand to eat the brownies which included just a 'little bit of crap' and not be affected by it, then he knew they would also be able to see the movie with 'just a little bit of smut' and not be affected. Of course, none of the teens would eat the brownies and the smug smiles had left their faces.
Now when his teenagers ask permission to do something he KNOWS THEY SHOULDN'T BE DOING the father just asks, 'Would you like me to whip up a batch of my special brownies?'

~~~
I think it would be a good idea.
-- Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he
thought of Western civilization

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own
life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
-- Cullen Hightower

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a
store where the lumber has already been cut and
attached together in the form of furniture,
finished, and put inside boxes.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the
Screw"

Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go
a little mad: whether from great personal
success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole
survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.
-- John le Carre,
~~~
Bathroom Sign
In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered "thoap!"
~~~
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED
FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
The actual AP headline.

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was
visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot
in the back of the head, and had been holding her
brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find
out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it
was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
~~~
TRAIN TICKET
Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football game.
At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three
women buy just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one
of the men.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their r espective seats but
all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket,
please."
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the
game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some
money.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip
but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at
all!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed man.
"Watch and learn," answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and
the three women cram into a toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet
and walks over to the toilet in which the men ar e hiding. She knocks on their
door and says, "Ticket please."
I'm still trying to figure out why men think they are smarter than women.
~~~
The Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
The third piggy says - 'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
~~~
More Good Advice - Military Style
- "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
- "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF
- "When the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
- "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
- "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
- "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF
- "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena,Japan
- "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
- "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
- "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor
- "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
- "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
~~~
Too Many Kids
One day, three men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor. After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"
"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.
"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"
"Wow, thats great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."
About five minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?"
"I'm right here Doc," he said.
"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"
"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."
A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"
"Right here docta," he said.
"Wonderful news! It's-"
"Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the
7-11."
~~~
Rabbit Save
One day a man was driving down the road in a hot red convertable. He was driving 15 mph when a rabbit hopped in front of his car. As the man swerved the rabbit swerved also and was run over. The man got out of the car and started crying, upset that he'd killed the rabbit.
Just then a woman drives up and asks him what's wrong, when he tells her she says, "Oh I can fix that." She goes to her car, pulls out a can and sprays the rabbit with it.
It instantly comes alive and hops off, but every five feet it turns back to wave, before finally dissappearing into the forrest.
The guy is amazed and says, "How did you do that?" The woman just tosses him the can and drives off. The can says "Hair Spray: Guarenteed to bring your hair back to life and create a permanent wave."
~~~
Bumper Snickers
- Born Free. Taxed to Death
- Don't Steal. The Government hates Competition
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
- A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain
- All men are Idiots, and I married their King
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film facility
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
~~~
here are some of those things you learn from the movies:
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
*All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
*All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
*The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
*The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
*You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
*If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
*Male characters generally are cold-natured. They need to wear jeans and leather jackets while the female characters are comfortable in cutoffs and a halter top.
*The hero is the exception to the above. He often is more comfortable in extreme cold after losing his coat or having the shirt ripped from his back.
*Whenever anyone knocks out anyone else and takes his/her clothes, it's always a flawless fit.
~~~
And some interesting facts about aliens in films ...
*If there are two or more of an alien race, they are always roughly the same size as humans.
*Aliens usually speak English and have the same colloquialisms as we do.
*All members of an alien species wear the same outfits, including clothing, hairstyles and jewellery. This makes them readily identifiable. Aliens who do not dress like aliens are hiding something.
*This may, in fact, be a consequence of the fact that aliens all have single, monolithic cultures: one language, one religion, one outfit per planet.
~~~
Good Advice - Military Style
- "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
- "Never trade luck for skill."
- The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"
- "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
- "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
- "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
- "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
- Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."
- "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."

- "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
- "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
- "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
- Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
- As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" -

~~~

Three Guys in Heaven
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
“So,” Peter asks the first guy, “how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“None. I had a perfect marriage.”
“Great,” says Peter. “You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.
“Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.
“Okay,” says Peter. “You get a rusty Ford.”
Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just saw my wife and she was riding a skateboard!”

~~~

Comprehending the IT guy
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the IT guy, the glass is

twice as big as it needs to be.

~~~

Officer Fitness Reports
The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.
~~~
May you blessed with such excellent health you never need to see a doctor, and if you do get a boo-boo may your doctor be wise and careful.

SOURCES:
(1) http://www.scienceagogo.com/news/medical_mishaps.shtml
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1739259/posts

MORGELLONS,TRUTH OR FICTION?

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write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
***************MORGELLONS******************
I keep hearing rumors about this dreaded disease, It seems to be characterized by a creepy crawly feeling, "as if something is beneath the skin like a parasite" People say the creepy crawly beneath the skin is fibers or bundles of fibers, some which appear to be fibers from rugs or clothing, but others insist that under microscopic examination the fibers are gelatinous even possibly growing and multiplying. Some have said that it is caused by eating genetically modified corn, some say the cause is completely unknown, Still others insist it is an hysterical condition, the fibers being inserted in the skin while scratching from a psychological aberration that the sufferer has.
Another item to this mix is that that no less an institution of reliability- the CDC, you remember the center of disease control, yeah those folks,are beginning to investigate veracity of the claims of at least 150 people in San Francisco who claim to have this disease. One woman in this group claims to have something like tiny green shrimp coming out of her face. Is it any wonder that people who are dignified and wear extra letters after their August names see the people who claim to have this disease as macadamias, or at the very best- filberts.

I will present what I have found and you can decide for yourself.

I want to add one other factor before we go into details, I just want to give you a list here: Candidiasis, Fibromyalgia, CFS, MCS, Agent Orange disease, and Desert Storm disease. What do these have in common, they also were not recognized as diseases for a very long time by the A.M.A. This by no means is an exclusive list, it is merely the tip of the iceberg.

First I want to present the evidence a given in Wikipedia. They quote the CDC as saying, "that it is not known at present whether the condition represents a new disease entity, or whether persons who identify themselves as having Morgellons have a common cause for their symptoms, share common risk factors, or are contagious." The CDC is still on-the-fence as their investigation is not complete, Wiki also presents, "According to an article written by the Mayo Clinic staff, health professionals are divided in their attitudes about Morgellons: some believe it is a specific condition and expect it to be confirmed by research in the future; some believe it is not a separate condition, rather its symptoms result from other conditions, often psychological; and some do not acknowledge Morgellons disease at all or reserve judgment until more is known about the condition."

Gee, it still sounds like what the medicos were saying for years about Fibromyalgia, and since the Army doesn't want to pay out the suits concerning Desert Storm disease, they are still saying; that these conditions do not exist except in the minds of the sufferers. However, she hastens to add, this is not empirical evidence that it and Morgellons.

Also presented for your perusal and consideration is this site, which features photos of the 'fibers' that seem to inhabit the epidermis of the affected victims. I can in no way verify the origin of these photos, whose skin they were take from or exactly what we are seeing, WARNING: these are very graphic photos.

On the CBS news [wow all the most prestigious sources have a three letter designation, just as the researchers and members of the A.M.A. have the 'piled higher and deeper' after their names] it was said, "
There may be a dramatic new breakthrough for hundreds of Texans who suffer from a mysterious disease. CBS 11 News was the only station at a medical conference that uncovered new research in the fight to prove Morgellons Disease is real.
…
In 2007, Dr. Stricker and experts in agrobacterium studied skin samples from seven Morgellons patients and found the DNA from the bacteria in all seven samples. Now the question is, how are people getting the bacteria in their bodies.

Firstly, this is not new, it’s over a year old. These findings were reported in January, 2007 - over a year ago.

Secondly, and more importantly, there is a very easy explanation as to how the bacteria got in their bodies: catheters.

There may be a dramatic new breakthrough for hundreds of Texans who suffer from a mysterious disease. CBS 11 News was the only station at a medical conference that uncovered new research in the fight to prove Morgellons Disease is real.
…
In 2007, Dr. Stricker and experts in agrobacterium studied skin samples from seven Morgellons patients and found the DNA from the bacteria in all seven samples. Now the question is, how are people getting the bacteria in their bodies.

Firstly, this is not new, it’s over a year old. These findings were reported in January, 2007 - over a year ago.

Secondly, and more importantly, there is a very easy explanation as to how the bacteria got in their bodies: catheters. Please see the internet source for this.

So, here it is friends and neighbors all the unbiased information at your fingertips. Remember not one bit of this is very helpful to the many, many people who claim they are suffering terribly from this or some other condition that feels like this.

As for me, I'm still working to get well, I'm staying in the arena of alternative medicine because I believe in it, and because I've never had any help from Allopathic medicine, I've been overdosed at a Young age with antibiotics, had drunk doctors operating on me, had a stroke at age 20 from the 'safe' birth control pills and woke up during surgery, every single prescribed drug I was given has caused terrible reactions... So it's no wonder I feel this way, if you've had wonderful doctors I'm glad for you, I hear it's not exactly common, but I'm glad for you.

I am taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


And I am substantially benefiting from each and every method I recommend.
*************************************

Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings Everyone needs at least one of these for their emergency kits:
pure-go filtering water bottles
It lasts for approximately 1 year. If a person drinks 3 bottles of water per day the cost of the bottle is equals less than 3 cents per fill up.

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
THE MEANING OF LIFE
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's Owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, Were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family. We couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life ---like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
~~~
Did They Really Mean That?
The following are actual newspaper headlines:
- March Planned For Next August
- L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide
- Patient at Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through
- Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
- Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- President Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
~~~
God and the Scientist
God was sitting in heaven one day when a scientist said to Him,
"God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing - in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning."
"Oh, is that so? Tell Me..." replies God.
"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man."
"Well, that's very interesting...show Me."
So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man.
"No, no, no..." interrupts God, "Make your own dirt."
~~~
Accident
There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."
The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
~~~
What Kind of Tracks
Two boys go out on a walk. One looks down and said, "look at those, those are deer tracks my dad told me about them."
The second boy says no those are elk tracks, my dad told me about them. Then the first boy says, "No those are deer tracks."
The second boy says, "NO those are elk tracks."
One hour later they were run over by a train.
~~~
Painting a Porch
Wanting to earn some money, Cletus decided to hire himself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
Cletus said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, Cletus came to the door to collect his money. "You're finished already?" the man asked.
"Yes," Cletus answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," Cletus added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
~~~
Dog Watch
Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
~~~
Biting Nails
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.
"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."
"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."
"How?"
"I hid his teeth."
~~~
Best Patients
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
~~~
Driving Test
Two truck driving brothers are taking a driving test, and the instructor asks, "You're driving the truck and you're at the top of a mountain and your brakes go out. You notice an accident at the bottom of the mountain, what do you do?"
The trucker replies, "The first thing I do is wake up my brother."
"What good is that going to do?" the instructor asks.
The trucker replies replies, "In all of the years we've been driving he ain't never seen an accident like the one we're about to get in to."
~~~
Life
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "Woo hoo! What a ride!"
~~~
May you be blessed with abundant good health but failing that may you have only diseases approved by the A.M.A. so you can actually get some help

RECIPES, OVEN FRIED CHICKEN, much more...

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write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
***************RECIPES******************
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OVEN FRIED CHICKEN ~~~~~~~~~~~~
set oven at 300 degrees Fahrenheit
1 CUT UP CHICKEN [washed]
KATY'S BREADING [SEE BELOW FOR RECIPE]
2 Tbs. coconut oil melted in a large low pan.

Put separate pieces of chicken in the breading bag and shake until the piece is thoroughly breaded, place each piece top side down in the pan, not over lapped. You can use a double breading by using an egg wash, but I'm trying to hold the gluten down in my diet, also the dripping egg soaked chicken leaves a mess in my breading.
Bake for 1 hour, turn the pieces and bake one hour more.
now eat, knowing that it is a healthy alternative to the trans fat laden MSG laced, chicken you can buy nearly anywhere these days, including gas stations [how appropriate!].

~~~~~~~~~~~~~KATY'S BREADING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This makes enough to bread several chickens

3 pieces of JEWISH RYE toast allowed to dry thoroughly
2 tbs.Katy's essence [or to taste, it's sort of hot]
2 tsp.sea salt [I like the Himalayan crystal][also to taste]
1 Tbs. celery seeds
1 Tbs. chia seeds
1Tbs. Italian herbs [I grow and grind my own, I mix it- 1part Oregano, 1 part Basil, 2 parts Parsley]
1 Tbs. garlic powder
1 tsp. black pepper
anything else you like...I store this rolled up and air expelled, in a slide lock plastic bag in the freezer to keep it fresh. It can be used over and over, just fill with chicken, slide the lock, and shake.


~~~~~~~~~~~~Katy's essence~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is about medium hot and the heat can be adjusted by using more of less of the spice
I've sent this out to friends all over the US because when I make it every year I make a lot!
When I say a part I use a bottle of spice, it can be any size as long as all 'parts' are the same size.
3 parts of paprika [I love paprika anyway]
2 parts sea salt or Himalayan crystal salt
2 parts garlic powder
1 part black pepper
1 part onion powder
1/2 part Cayenne powder
1 part Italian herbs [I grow and grind my own, I mix it- 1part Oregano, 1 part Basil, 2 parts Parsley]
1 part crushed red pepper
2 part chili powder
put it all in your food processor to grind up the Italian herbs and crushed red pepper so it's Incorporated well into the other spices which are powders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PARMESAN CHICKEN~~~~~~~~~~~
I slice part of a chicken breast into thin fillets, I cut as much as will be needed for the number of guests, Since it's usually just for me I cut two thin slices.
3 eggs slightly beaten,
1 green pepper sliced thin
Whip in about 2 tablespoons of Parmesan cheese, grated.
shake in some pepper, sea salt and celery seed to taste
beat this all into eggs.
On 'warm' setting put a cast iron pan with about 1 tablespoon of coconut oil on the stove, when the bottom of the pan is coated with coconut oil pour in egg mixture, place thin slices of chicken in the egg, add the slices of green pepper, shake a generous amount of Parmesan cheese over all of it, two good squirts of lemon juice and cover, bake on lowest setting until egg has set and chicken has cooked thru'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~HEALTHY CHICKEN STRIPS~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chicken strips-chicken breast cut in thin strips
Katy's breading
coconut oil
shake strips in breading and fry/saute' in iron frying pan on a medium setting.

~~~~~~~~~~'PINJUR SAUCE'~~~~~~~~~~~~
traditionally it's made with sweet peppers and eggplant, but here eggplant in winter is not readily available, so I do this:
1 bag of frozen sweet pepper/onion mix.
1 medium can of stewed tomatoes, chopped or sliced. [or better yet fresh garden tomatoes] I use the kind with peppers and onions in it.
1 tbs. Paprika
1 tsp. garlic powder
Mix altogether in a sauce pan, mix well and heat to boiling (slowly!)
dump all this in a jar and refrigerate, this has no fat in it and all good veggies so spoon it onto fish or chicken right after you turn it, cover, simmer for a few minutes and eat,

~~~GOURMET CHICKEN BREAST IN ONION/MUSHROOM SAUCE~~~
1 chicken breast, boneless and skinless [if you buy yours doubled cut it in half, so it's actually half of one chicken breast]
2 tbs coconut oil
1 small onion sliced for half rings
2 garlic cloves diced
5 Large button mushrooms sliced
1 6" sprig of fresh rosemary leaves or 1 tbs of dried rosemary
1 tbs of 'fake' pinjur sauce
1-2 tbs whole, organic milk
1 tsp lemon juice if desired [TASTE FIRST!]
sea salt and pepper
First melt some coconut oil in the saute pan. Place your chicken breast in already seasoned in an iron frying pan turn on medium to low heat, for a few minutes.
Toss in garlic, onions and mushrooms in and 'sweat' the onions so they sizzle and turn translucent, not brown. This takes a bit longer, because the chicken takes a bit to cook, and you don't want your onions and mushrooms to get mushy. Stir often, after you decide the chicken is cooked nearly all the way, add the rosemary, 'pinjur' sauce and milk to make the sauce, add lemon juice if you like it piquant [lemon juice also lowers the GI number of any food it is on]


~~~~~~~~~CHICKEN STOCK~~~~~~~~~~~
one half organic chicken
4 cups of clean [filtered] water
boil gently for 3 hours, do not season at all


~~~~~~~~~~~ BEAN AND CHICKEN SOUP~~~~~~~~~~~
This is so tasty I make mine hot but you can leave out the Serrano peppers and it won't be hot.
1 cup Pinto beans
1 cup fresh, homemade chicken stock
1 chicken breast diced in bite sized pieces
Katy's essence to taste
1 onion diced
5 Serrano peppers cut in small circles
2 celery stalks sliced
1 stalk of Bok Choy-sliced
sea salt or Himalayan salt, and pepper to taste
2 Tbs coconut oil or less

soak well-rinsed beans in clean [filtered] water for a few hours
drain and rinse again, the cook the beans in 4 Cups of filtered water [I use my well water]
gently until soft, do not season at all until the beans are cooked.

Saute' the veggies and chicken in an iron frying pan using coconut oil, add seasonings to this to taste, cook gently until chicken is completely cooked then add it to the cooked beans, allow to cook a little more, Serves 4 bowls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~TURKEY SOUP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
two quarts of stock,
2 Cups of water
add a chicken breast, boned or not for extra meat, and
two large turkey wings,
parsley [about two tablespoons of dried]
3 carrots, diced
3 stalks of celery
celery seeds
onion, diced
two cloves of chopped garlics,
1 Tbs paprika
Himalayan Crystal salt to taste
boil the stock in a large stockpot, with the turkey, chicken breast for three hours on low heat, them remove the meat to pull off the bone and cut into smaller pieces. Then add carrots, celery, onion, and whatever other veggies we have [zucchini in season, Yummy!] and put all of the meat and veggies back into the soup, add parsley, and whatever herbs I have fresh from the garden, garlics, Paprika to color it so pretty, Himalayan Crystal salt, more taste, and noodles if you like, I don't, and boil in on SIMMER for an hour and eat! I like to save some for my lunches, but there's is nothing in there that's really bad for me, so I can eat without being worried about my blood sugar.


Healthy living can be very tasty, I've used these recipes many times and they are delicious.

I am taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************

Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings Everyone needs at least one of these for their emergency kits:
pure-go filtering water bottles
It lasts for approximately 1 year. If a person drinks 3 bottles of water per day the cost of the bottle is equals less than 3 cents per fill up.

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
Art is making something out of nothing and
selling it.
-- Frank Zappa

What is written without effort is in general read
without pleasure.
-- Samuel Johnson

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't
necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store
for a quart of milk.
-- Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider,

I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from
men who don't have any.
-- Ann Richards
~~~
Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. She dictated and I wrote:
Dear God,
Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died yesterday and is in heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy that you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick. I hope that you will play with her. She liked to play with balls and swim before she got sick. I am sending some pictures of her so that when you see her in heaven you will know she is our special dog. But I really do miss her.
Love, Meredith Claire
P.S. Mommy wrote the words after I told them to her.
We put that in an envelope with two pictures of Abbey, and addressed it to God in Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith stuck some stamps on the front (because, as she said, it may take lots of stamps to get a letter all the way to heaven) and that afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the post office.
For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch. Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the front and said "To Meredith" in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith took it in and opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers, "When a Pet Dies". Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its opened envelope (which was marked Return to sender: Insufficient address). On the opposite page, one of the pictures of Abbey was taped under the words "For Meredith" We turned to the back cover, and there was the other picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:
Dear Meredith,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely and soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me--just like she stays in your heart--young and running and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets, so I can't keep your beautiful letter.
I am sending it to you with the pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember Abbey.
One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the little book helps. Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much!
By the way, I am in heaven but wherever there is love, I am there also.
Love, God and the special angel who wrote this after God told her the words.
~~~
The road to success is not always a road.
-- Mac Anderson
~~~
Where Did You Start?
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.
He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62."
He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
~~~
Consultation Fee
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150.
~~~
Growing Older Is
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- A fortune teller offers to read your face.
- You turn out the lights for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
- You remember this week that last week was your wedding anniversary.
- You are startled the first time you are addressed as "Old Timer".
- You answer automatically when someone addresses you "Old Timer."
- You burn your midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.
- You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. - Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl walk by.
- You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friend who exercised.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
- The best part of your day is over when your alarm goes off.
- The thought of getting out of bed never occurs to you.
~~~
Three times Three
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"
"274" was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday" replys the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine" says the third man.
"That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".
~~~
I got so excited when my husband expressed interest in my meditation sessions. "You don't have to close your eyes," I explained. "You can keep them open and focus on something like a candle or a spot in front of you."
He nodded thoughtfully. "Could it be a TV?"
~~~
Did They Really Mean That?
The following are actual newspaper headlines:
- March Planned For Next August
- L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide
- Patient at Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through
- Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
- Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- President Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
~~~
God and the Scientist
God was sitting in heaven one day when a scientist said to Him,
"God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing - in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning."
"Oh, is that so? Tell Me..." replies God.
"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man."
"Well, that's very interesting...show Me."
So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man.
"No, no, no..." interrupts God, "Make your own dirt."
~~~
Accident
There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."
The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
~~~
What Kind of Tracks
Two boys go out on a walk. One looks down and said, "look at those, those are deer tracks my dad told me about them."
The second boy says no those are elk tracks, my dad told me about them. Then the first boy says, "No those are deer tracks."
The second boy says, "NO those are elk tracks."
One hour later they were run over by a train.
~~~
May you be blessed with great healthy foods to result in a terrifically healthy body.

CORNY INFORMATION

Sign-up for the weekly newsletter digest that is packed with the latest news in healthy living, you need this resource interactive
write to me at webriter@verizon.net or mark_my_bailey@yahoo.com.
*******************CORNY INFORMATION**************
Everything about corn is artificial, while it does grow like a plant it has been so hybridized and since no original plant exists, or can even be identified from fossil record, it is fair to say this. Since it is not an original plant, one wonders how nutritious it can be, even aside from the GM factors.

There are three kinds of corn grown commercially, Sweet corn, Field corn [also called dent corn- for the characteristic dent in each kernel] which is used for animal feed or making bio-fuels, and popcorn. But there is also another called [pod corn] in which a pod or covering grows over each kernel of corn, it is an experimental corn.

(1)

Indians in the Americas were growing corn extensively long before the discovery of these continents by Europeans. Archaeological studies indicate that corn was cultivated in the Americas at least 5600 years ago. The exact origin of corn is unknown as the plant is found only under cultivation. The probable center off origin is the Central American and Mexico region...Nearly all the corn now grown in the United States is of hybrid varieties. Seed is obtained by crossing inbred lines which are obtained by self pollination through several generations. This results in reduced vigor and yield but increased uniformity in the inbreds. To produce hybrid seed, two inbreds are planted together and the tassels removed from one before any pollen is shed. Thus kernels on the detasselled variety are from pollen produced on the other inbred line. This restores and increases vigor and is known as a single cross. Two single crosses may be similarly crossed producing what is termed double cross seed. Properly selected and adapted hybrid corn varieties produce higher yields and more uniform plants and ears than the open pollinated varieties formerly used.

Corn=plastic?
Now corn is being manufactured into pellets polylactic acid (PLA), to be made into a post-petroleum age plastic that is supposed to be a safe food storage container material. For years natural food companies like Newman's own and Wild Oats have been quietly using these containers, now Wal-mart has joined this group in a not so quiet way.

With the rise in the production of bio-fuels naturally corn prices will go up ad some huge shortages are forecasted. In addition to the deadly fungal threat to the wheat crops in the coming year, we could have some major grain shortages. Growing the Victory garden might just be the best idea, First it will solve the "What the heck is in it?" dilemma, and it won't have the age-problems associated shipping, you ca can or freeze your crop, it will be a healthy, cheaper solution to what looks Ike a bad year for food.

Here is another solution for shortages, clean water shortages, Everyone needs at least one of these for their emergency kits:
pure-go filtering water bottles
It lasts for approximately 1 year. If a person drinks 3 bottles of water per day the cost of the bottle is equals less than 3 cents per fill up.

I am taking CellPower™ because for one thing it does have lots of digestive enzymes in it, also it helps to balance the pH levels and is antibiotic, anti-viral-and anti-fungal AND IT PACKS THE CELLS WITH LIFE-GIVING OXYGEN, AND ENERGY. And:SELENIUMhelps immune system,fights infection and aids circulation
~MAGNESIUMhelps to relax you, aids stress and muscle relaxing
~CHROMIUMimproves insulin sensitivity, and helps lower blood sugar.
~ZINC especially to help you heal.
I also eat, one of the best fats for the Omega-3~6 balance and losing weight.
~coconut oil


*************************************

Write to me at Webriter@verizon.net or use the comment or chat features. I do appreciate the feedback even if it’s negative, Christian Biblical stories
Natural herbal remedies
blessings

-----THE GARDEN GNOME


~~~Jokes And inspirations/quotes~~~
In all things, be willing to listen to people around you.
None of us is really smart enough to go it alone.
-- John Clendenin

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
-Mother Teresa

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
-- Mark Twain, Notebooks (1935)

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a
chance?
-- Edgar Bergen, (Charlie McCarthy)

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can
fake that you've got it made.
-- Jean Giraudoux

If your parents never had children, chances are
you won't, either.
-- Dick Cavett
~~~
Miracle Diet
An overweight clerk consulted the doctor for advice. The doctor advised that the clerk run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would burn off as much as twenty pounds.
The clerk follows the doctor's advice and, after thirty days, was pleased to note a loss of twenty pounds.
The clerk phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, there was one last question:
"How do I get home, since I'm now 300 miles away?"
~~~~

Cup Holder
Caller: Hello, is this the Help Line?
HelpLine: Yes, it is. How may I help you?
Caller: The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?
HelpLine: I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?
Caller: Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer.
HelpLine: Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?
Caller: It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it.
At this point the HelpLine operator realized that the caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

~~~

The Three Laws of Secure Computing
1) Don't buy a computer.
2) If you do buy a computer, don't plug it in.
3) If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.

~~~

Cliches
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says "What is this - some kind of a joke?"
~~~
An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" she shouted again. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
~~~
Golfer vs. Skydiver
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, "Whack, oops!"
A bad skydiver goes "Oops, whack!"
~~~
Slow Down
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic built-up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriffs office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care," said Farmer John. "Just do something about these crazy drivers!" So the next day, he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said, SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign that said, SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
But that sped them up even more! So Farmer John kept calling, and the sheriff kept changing the signs.
Finally, Farmer John said to the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?" The sheriff was ready to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day. He said, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." And after that, the sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "Hows the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. Ive got to go. Im very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself "Id better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer Johns house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST COLONY-Go slow and watch out for the chicks
~~~
Work Wisdom
- Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
- The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
~~~
Corporate filly
The Dakota Indians of North America passed on this piece of wisdom from generation by word of mouth - "If you are riding a dead horse the best thing to do is dismount". However in the corporate world because of the heavy investment factor other things to be tried, (but not limited to) are the following
* buy a stronger whip
* change riders
* threaten the horse with termination
* appoint a committee to study the horse
* arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses
* lower the standards so dead horses can be included
* appoint an intervention team to reanimate the horse
* create a training session to increase the riders load share
* reclassify the horse as 'living impaired'
* change the form so it reads "This horse is not dead"
* hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse
* harness several dead horses together for increased speed and efficiency
* donate the dead horse to a recognized charity therefore deducting its full original cost
* provide additional funding to increase horse's performance
* do a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity
* purchase an after market product that makes dead horses run faster
* declare the dead horse has lower overheads and is therefore more cost effective
* form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses
* rewrite the performance requirements for horses
* and finally if all else fails.....promote the dead horse into a supervisory (management) position
~~~

May your cupboards be blessed by staying full, your larder never empty, may you always have the richest, healthiest of fare available to you.

SOURCES
(1)http://www.hort.purdue.edu/newcrop/crops/corn.html
http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog/MANCOR.html
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/plastic.html
http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article4161.html
http://www.biodieselnow.com/forums/t/19413.aspx